Genesis 4:9 ..."Am I my brothers keeper?"

I believe that these 5 words are among the saddest in all the Bible.  If Cain had been Abels keeper (to look after someone or something), the story would have ended much differently.

Several months ago I had to undergo several tests.  One being an MRI of my brain.  The technician inserted dye into an IV and my body was slid into a tunnel-like machine.  I wasn't too concerned about this because I had a plan.  I would sing every worship song and hymn I could think of.  Not out loud, of course, but in my head.  The sound of the MRI machine was awfully loud and when it began to screech I searched my mind for the first song.  Nothing.  Tried again.  Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.  Beginning to get concerned I asked the Lord to help me to think.  I must know a thousand songs.....surely I just need to relax.  I tried.  Nothing at all.  No song...no words...no melody.  Nothing.  A tear streamed down my cheek.  Music and worship has always been so much a part of my life and so often what God has used to minister truth and comfort to my heart.  I endured the entire MRI in silence.  Without a song.  It was awful.

I had the hardest time with that.  I know the truth....that God cant betray us.  But I felt betrayed.  I rode home in silence.  I spent the rest of the day in silence.  
The phone rang.  On the other end was a dear sister in Christ, Cyndi.  She said "Colette,  we have something for you".  "We" meaning a group of wonderful friends who were huddled around the phone with her.  They began to sing.  Really sing...."sing their hearts out sing."   These are the words they sang to me:
 
We will remember, we will remember
We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop and give you praise
For great is Thy faithfulness

You’re our creator, our life sustainer
Deliverer, our comfort, our joy
Throughout the ages You’ve been our shelter
Our peace in the midst of the storm

With signs and wonders You’ve shown Your power
With precious blood You showed us Your grace
You’ve been our helper, our liberator
The giver of life with no end

When we walk through life’s darkest valleys
We will look back at all You have done
And we will shout, our God is good
And He is the faithful One

Bridge
Hallelujah, hallelujah
To the one from whom all blessings flow
Hallelujah, hallelujah
To the one whose glory has been shown

I still remember the day You saved me
The day I heard You call out my name
You said You loved me and would never leave me
And I’ve never been the same 

(by Tommy Walker)

As they sang all I could do was cry.  At the end of the song all I could do was utter a quiet thank you.  My precious sisters....who decided on that day to be my keeper.  They had no idea what had just transpired and the incident with the MRI.  Even today as I read the words to that song I am teary eyed.  Those words are amazing.  They are all the hymns and worship songs I know bundled into one beautiful, little song.  

      I asked the Lord today to allow me to always be my brothers keeper.  And I thanked Him for those sisters and brothers who have chosen to be mine!

I ran 4 miles the  other day.  That is a miracle in and of itself.  I tried to remember the last time I had  done that but it was too long ago to remember.  When I got to the 2 mile mark I was beyond excited.  I saw my son Jake and daughter in law Cheryl driving towards me and decided to  make them laugh.  I am usually pretty reserved and quiet....and funny is not a descriptive word for me.  Every once in a while I try to go out of my normally serious self and let my family see that I can be fun. Plus the fact that I was so happy at what I had accomplished it really was no effort to do what I am about to share.  I broke out in a celebration dance....then did a championship boxing victory dance ...did a couple ballet turns....and just to make sure they were seeing things perfectly clearly I shot them a "my eyes on your eyes" move where the index and middle finger point to my eyes then to their eyes  I repeated that about 4 times and then took an extravogant bow.  Jake flashed his lights at me in recognition of my performance.  When his Ford Edge got close enough I realized that the Ford Edge was not Jakes Ford Edge.  Oh man.  I had just made a complete fool out of myself for a total stranger.  I kept my eyes straight ahead and ran faster than Forest Gump.  Oh  man.  
There is absolutely no lesson to this story.  Not my usual moral or spiritual application ....nothing whatsoever.  Just thought Id share my most humiliating moment ever! Have a blessed day!   

I had a sweet little date with my 6 year old grandson Noah.  I just love that boy to pieces.  He loves car washes, washing machines, and jets on hot tubs.  In that order.  We went to dinner and then I surprised him by going to all the car washes that I knew. Seven times we drove my little white car through.  He was so excited that he could hardly believe it.  I told him that I love car washes and his big eyes looked shocked.  He said "You do??  So do I!!!"   I told him that we are so much alike.  As we drove through each wash he told me what he liked about each one.  His favorite part is the drying cycle..and mine is the color polish because it looks pretty on the windows and it smells awesome.  Watching Noahs delight and the look in his eyes...well, it was priceless.  Then we went to Toys R Us and bought legos so he could construct a carwash.  Such an amazing time we had.  I hope he alway remembers how much his Grandma loves him!  One day he will understand that I love car washes because I love him!
Today I went outside before most of the world was awake.    There in Cranberry Pond were 11 swans close enough to touch.  I love, love , love swans!  They are beautiful and elegant birds.  One of them made a noise and the others followed the command to fly.  Eleven swans flying took my breath away because it was just beautiful!  It reminded me that God loves me and delights in what I delight in.  Thank you Father, for entering into my world this morning.  For showing me over and over that you love me.  Through little things like swans.  And through precious gifts like Grandsons

Happy Valentines Day

My grandmother left a journal.  She faithfully wrote in it.  I couldn't wait to read what she wrote.  Unfortunately, It was the most disappointing journal I have ever read.  Although it has many, many entries it says basically nothing.  Nothing of value anyway. Empty words.  It speaks of dinner menus, weather, who visited when and so forth.  There is not one single entry of words that tell us of this womans heart. What she felt, what she thought, what she loved or struggled to believe or accept.  Nothing at all.  Just words like "it rained today".
 
If my family finds my journal I hope that they will see my very self through words.  That as they read what I wrote....they will see my heart.  It got me thinking about what I want them to know.  I want them to know that I love them deeply.  That I love my Creator and Savior; that my entire world view is based on this fact.  I want them to know that I struggled with many things and that in the end of it all I was faithful.  Faithful to my Father and to those that I love.  They will see that my favorite word is Grace and my most despised word is Sin.  If my children read my journal they will know  how much I love them and the ones they love.  They will see that my greatest joy in my life was raising them and being their mom.  They will see how much I hate sin and how much I love and appreciate grace ( I know that this is a repeat of sorts....but so worth repeating).  They will see that the words from Scripture "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth" were true for me.  They will see that I hurt when they hurt and I am happy when they are happy.  I am their biggest and quietest cheerleader.  That I am ok to be in the background and watch them be husbands and fathers and leaders.  Its an awesome place to be.  Watching my boys...who have become men.  They will also know that I miss the little boys that they were.  Those chubby little cheeks that I kissed and the big blue eyes that melted my heart.  I miss being called Mommy.  I miss yesterday and if I was given one wish I would wish for one day back with them.  I would take them back to our spot in the back yard.  The place where we read books and looked up at the sky.  Where we would sing our songs out loud.  (How many times did we sing Jesus Loves Me?  I hope they have never forgotten those simple words that have so much meaning.)   I would hold them so tight and tell them how precious they are to me.  If only I could go back and live one day again...with my babies.

It is quite possible that my children will one day, when I am gone, read my journal.  My story of life.  They will see how their story is wrapped up in mine.   And how very much they are loved. Hmmm...another lesson learned today. The Holy Spirit is pretty amazing.  This morning as I wrote and thought upon these words I said a prayer that went something like this:  "Thank you Father God, for giving me another practical picture, though imperfect, of your love for me and the Words you have left to remind me! Thank you for letting me see into your very heart. For letting me see what is important to you. That your children is what your heart yearns for. That our little stories are wrapped up in yours and your love for us!" Pretty amazing!

Thankfully Yours

Sunday January 30th, 2011

Im surprised that the time has come already for my monthly "things im most thankful for" post.  Time goes by so fast.  I was told that would happen....the older you get the faster time seems to go by.  Its true.

1.  Speaking about being older.  Thats something Im thankful for.  I sure loved each stage of my life.  But this one is awesome.  I enjoy everything more than I did when I was just kind of surviving...getting to the  next stage.  Now Im able to enjoy life... I dont know.... more thoroughly.  My kids have become my friends.  And, what awesome friends they are.  I love them completely...and that never changes with time.  This age thing is weird.  I know that I am the exact same person  that I have always been....but my filter...how I see  things has changed.  I see things in layers...in a depth that I didn't have before.  I look at a sunset and can sit and admire it.  Almost to the point of tears.  Until it is gone.  I love food better (not so good), nature, time with people that I love, hugs and physical embrace is sweeter, worship is more genuinely intense....so many things.  Ive figured out what is important in life.  Wow..reading this over it sounds like Im an 80 year old.  Well then...Id love to sit with an 80 year old...and hear their insight!  Thank-you God, for the good things that come with age.     

2.  Im thankful for my health.  I had a health scare this past fall.  What started out as a headache that wouldn't go away ended (after a long road) with a diagnoses of an auto immune disease called Sarcoid.  Im thankful because it has forced me to slow down and take better care of myself.  It was a little...no a lot.....intimidating to sit at the desk of a Neuro-Opthamologist/Surgeon.  My chair was pulled up next to his chair....at his desk.  That alone made me nervous. I instantly wondered if he did this with all of his patients when he had bad news to tell them.  My body scans were staring at us on three screens....like the big screen tvs at Best Buy.  That big!  My entire insides.  My brain.  Everything that has never been seen before was exposed in pictures.  It was so weird.  He had the most serious look on his face.  He rattled off abnormalities and normalites.  The whole thing made me uncomfortable...almost embarrassed.  Then I thought about the people who sat in the same seat, next to the same man...but with different pictures and different results.   I had passed those people in the waiting area and they were hooked up to machines and bags of fluid.  They wore hospital gowns that hung on their thin bodies.  But for now...at least this time...my diagnoses wasn't so bad.  Thank you God for the good I found out...and for demanding me to rest! 

3.  Im thankful for my husband, Matt and for bed bugs.  Yep, you read that right.  He owns a Pest Control business and we are finding ourselves on lots of trips across the state of NY lately. He battles the Bed Bud epidemic and I get to tag along.  Its pretty fun tagging!  Today we are in Albany in a coffee shop/book store.  I really, really love coffee, books, seeing new places and eating at new restaurants.  And getting to know my hubby without interruption.  Matt is an interesting human being....who makes me laugh.  People ask us all the time....how in the world did you guys get together?  We are so different.  He is a crazy man who loves adventure and walks to a different beat than the rest of the world.   At times he has been the kindest man on planet earth to me.  To our boys.  To our daughters in law.  Our grandchildren.  Our family members.  We love him for that.  And forgive him for the rest.   He  just looked up from his pile of books....."Interesting facts to read while you are on the toilet" book, "Inventing for Dummies" and "Koran vs Christianity".    He gave me the kindest smile and the sweetest wink.  Married for thirty years!  Thank you God, for faithfulness.               

4.  Im thankful for my Savior, The LORD Jesus Christ.  Without Him I wouldn't have stable, constant security through the aging process and the changes of life. 

Although my health may fail, I serve the Great Physician and at the end of this earthly life I will receive a new body that never gets sick!  Romans 8 reminds me that He has set me free from the law of sin and death!
  
And through my marriage I am able to live out a picture of faithfulness between Christ and the church.  What a privilege to walk through life with another human....flawed as we both are....and somehow glorify our Savior. Flawed people showing a picture of HIS STORY!  Awesome....to live my life as a part of a much,much bigger picture!!  Just plain awesome!!  

Im incredibly thankful!!

Meet Tracker...the insane shoe lover!!

We have a little, eight pound Jack Russell terrier named Tracker.  He is a work dog and has two serious jobs in his life.  One is to find bed bugs for Town and Country Pest Control.  He was rescued from a shelter and trained by a man in Florida.  The second job he has is one that he was never trained for and one that he has made up in his head.  It makes absolutely no sense, but he believes it is his job to guard my husbands shoes.  He will growl when anyone comes near them and if the growl isn't heeded he will attack viciously.  It doesn't matter how big or small the offender is.  It doesn't matter if it is the person, me, who feeds him.  It doesn't matter if he is disciplined severely.  He never waivers from his duty.  Being "The Guarder of the Shoes" is his purpose in this life.  He loves those shoes more than he loves his own life.
  
One afternoon I wanted my husband to chastise him.  He had offended me greatly and just about bit my entire foot off because I walked too close to the shoes.  Matt corrected him..i moved closer to the shoes...growl.  Matt corrected him...i moved closer...growl.  If Matt wasn't holding him I would have lost both of my feet and part of my leg.  This severe correction went on for a long time.   To no avail.  Finally my sweet, animal-loving daughter in law (Cheryl) who was watching on couldn't take it any longer.  She spoke up and said "I would just hide the shoes".  So we did.
  
I've thought a lot about Tracker and his love of Matts shoes.  Do I love anything like that?  So much that I would die for it?  I think we are suppose to love God like that.  That love is to be the sole influence as to why we do what we do each and every day. Deuteronomy tells us to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind."  I want to do that.  And, Tracker has given me a visual of loving something that much.  Thank you little, stupid Tracker.    I brought the shoes out of hiding.  I put them in his den area where he can see them constantly.  He sleeps near them and has a continual watch on those beloved shoes.  I praise him each time he growls and tell him what a good dog he is for guarding those shoes.  And every day I am reminded of my own lifes purpose and what it means to love something so much!  May not make sense to the world...but it makes perfect sense to me.     

Thankfully Posted

Ive decided to, at the end of each month, write about the things that im most thankful for in the past 30 days.  New amazing finds, great books, etc.    I figure...If I love them...then others may too!

1.  I read the BEST book.  I get excited when I find a book that captures my attention so much that I cant put it down!  Its called "Even Silence Has an End" by Ingrid Betancourt.  It is the amazing story of a woman who was taken captive by the FARC, a terrorist group, and held against her will for 7 years.  She wrote her story with such....class and honesty.  Its hard to believe that this kind of thing is happening today.  We live in freedom so it was hard for me to imagine.  So many thoughts were running through  my mind while reading this book. Im thinking of starting an online book club.  It would be  lot of fun to discuss books such as this one with other women who love to read.  This book was definitely a winner in my book ;)

2.  I decided, about 10 years ago, that when I became an empty nester that I would finally be able to catch up on lost sleep.  From the time I became a mother 29 years ago, I ceased knowing what it was like to really, really sleep.  And then...INSOMNIA....grrr......nobody told me that insomnia hits at about age 46.  I became a morning person overnight....and a night owl too.  Not a good combination.  Finally and reluctantly after 2 years of this nonsense, I resorted to prescription medication.  Not good.  And then recently my daughter in law, Hollie, handed me a sample of the most wonderful little chewy, NATURAL, sleep aid!!  Before I even tried it I was sceptical and didn't think that it would work.  But I was more than pleasantly surprised when I woke up after sleeping like a baby, feeling completely refreshed!  They are called Sleep Squares. They are made by Slumberland Snacks and can be ordered online at www.sleepsquares.com     Sweet dreams to my mid-life friends!

3.  Now.. the next thing Im thankful for is something that is not new to me in the past 30 days....but I indulged in them this week.  So they count.  Charlies Frog Pond on Park Avenue in Rochester, NY serve Sauted Banana Pancakes.  They are the best pancakes Ive ever had....ever.  The banana in the title may make people hesitant to order them.  But even if you dont like bananas Im pretty sure you will love these.  You can get them minus the bananas though.  They serve them anytime of the day...not just for breakfast.  If you live in Rochester they should be on your list of "things I must do before I die".  Seriously.  

4.  I got an early Christmas present from my hubby.  It is a wireless keyboard for my ipad. Its pretty amazing.  I cant even begin to express how thankful I am for this new high tech gadget.  I can write anywhere  and no longer have to lug my laptop around with me.  This leads me to my thankfulnes for my ipad.  Greatest thing ever.  My family got it for me on my birthday last year.  I have used it every single day since.  Its like carrying around all my books, magazines, and computer in one little slim piece of awesomeness.  Really....honestly and truly,  two of the best gift I've ever received!

5.  I am very thankful for the Christmas season.  I love the lights, songs, decorations, traditions, snow.....all of it.  But I have to say,  my favorite part is that the whole country celebrates Jesus birth....even if they don't know it. There are no words to describe my thankfulness for the gift of Christ who brought to me the gift of salvation...which brings meaning and purpose to my existence.   In emulating Christ, I love to give gifts to those I love.  I really, really love that part.  I am thankful for my family more than ever this Christmas season!   Merry Christmas!!   

That completes my December list of "things that Im most thankful for in the  last 30 days"! 
    
~Colette