You want to do what???

Four years ago I was attending training for a certification at a beautiful location in Portland Oregon. My son Jake (19 years old at the time) tagged along with me for the week. It was my idea for him to come, since I didn’t want to make the trip alone. I promised that on my off time that he could choose whatever activity he wanted us to do. So after looking over brochures from the conference center foyer, he decided on our activity: Bungee jump off the highest bridge in North America. I looked at him like he had lost his mind and he insistently reminded me that I promised. I told him that I was thinking we could see the sights…like the most amazing beach in the world for surfers. Or, the most popular coffee shop in Oregon, the one I saw on the Food Channel. Or, how about if we stand at the bottom of Mt.Hood??? He said that he’d like to still do those things…but that his choice was to Bungee Jump. He thought it would be really cool if we could tandem jump. I told him I would make that decision when we got to the bridge. I then suggested that he call the company and see how late they were open. I was pretty sure and hoping they would be closed in the evening. They were. But Jake, being the persuasive salesman that he has always been, talked the guy into meeting us after hours.
We begin our drive up a steep mountain. That part was pretty amazing. We saw wild elk and the scenery was gorgeous. We kept going higher and higher up the mountain until we came to THE bridge. There was one truck and three boys about the same age as Jake waiting for us. I thought “You have to be kidding me….these boys are the extent of the bungee jumping company???” I told Jake that we better reconsider. He said he still wanted to jump. I told him that I wouldn’t be jumping that day. Like he was surprised. The boys attached one end of a cord to their truck and the other end to Jake. All while he read and signed a release form that they are not liable if he should get hurt. I whispered to Jake that this didn’t seem like the way to do it. Like I knew. And, suggested that we should go back down the mountain. He ignored me and got on top of the banister of the bridge. Then with complete abandonment he jumped…. jumped off the highest bridge in North America. I watched. I will never forget that sight. My child jumping off of a bridge. I spent his whole life keeping him AWAY from bridges and now I’m taping him jumping…my mind was having a hard time wrapping around this one. His arms went out like he was flying and he made a sound of utter abandonment. It was an instinctive yell that came from the depths of his being. I hated hearing it! And there was no turning back…just falling completely forward…with absolutely no control….only faith that you will live. When he was brought back up he had a look on his face of triumph and joy. One of the greatest experiences of his life.
This morning during my time with the LORD a question popped into my head. “Do you love me like that?” My reply “Like what, Lord?”…. and instantly in my head I saw Jake…four years ago…jumping off the bridge…with arms flying. I remembered the sound coming from his mouth. Complete abandonment. I told the Lord that YES! I do love him like that! In the background played the song “Revelation Song”. The words: Holy, Holy, Holy is our Lord God almighty who was and is and is to come. Praise to the King Of Kings, you are my everything and I will adore you..." I stood up and loudly sang along! I was filled with praise and thanksgiving in my heart! I held my coffee cup with both hands and looked up to my Father. In my mind popped “You cant even praise me with your hands held high because you are holding on to things that you love more”
And then the message became clear. God wants me to love him completely….with complete abandonment, with complete faith, with complete passion. Consecrated totally to Him. No turning back and holding on to nothing else.
Oh, may I love God the Father like that! My Savior and My Redeemer. Each and every day of my life. Completely. Wholeheartedly. Totally. And I am assured that it will be…THE greatest experience in my earthly life!

Let me see like you see, Father?

This past year, in preparation to teach Ladies Bible study, I asked the Lord one question: “Please show me what YOU see Father?” I knew that if I could only see through His eyes….what is important to Him… then I could get a clearer picture as to what to teach. I could gain passion. I could gain clearer goals and see from Gods perspective . “Please show me what YOU see Father?”
God never fails to answer my sincere questions…..as amazing as it seems. The God of this universe...creator of all things…cares about the questions in the heart of one little lady in a tiny part of the United States ministering to a small group of ladies who love Jesus! Amazing.
I prayed and asked that question six months ago. And here is His answer to me:
Matt and I went to NYC this past weekend. The intent was a quiet weekend for Matts 50th birthday. I was excited to have a quiet, relaxing time at the end of a busy work season. It was an absolutely beautiful sunny day as we walked through Battery City Park….at the NYC harbor. I stood across from the Statue of Liberty. I thought about what that statue stood for. How so many years ago people came here to America for the sole purpose of obtaining religious freedom. They were tired of living under organized religion and they were Bible believers who wanted to worship God freely. This trip couldn’t start out any better. My heart was happy and thankful!
The next day we entered the city. I saw hundreds of people. People everywhere, walking in all directions! Matt told me to keep my purse close as person after person brushed against us. It stood out in my mind how that everyone is so different. How could there be so many people in this world….in NYC alone ..and all be unique?
What I noticed most, though, was that so much sin was staring directly in my face. I saw homosexuality everywhere. I had visited NYC a few years ago and saw homosexuals then. But this time…it was prevalent. It was everywhere. They were unashamed and confident in their sin. One man- a cross dresser- walked next to me. He was about 6’2 and he was dressed like a little girl. He had on clothing that reminded me of Shirley Temple and he wore a pig-tail, blonde wig. He walked with boldness and held his head high. I then saw homeless people, alcoholics who begged for money to buy more alcohol. They didn’t beg for food. I watched them go through the horrible smelling garbage cans for scraps. And on the very same street I saw materialism galore. We entered a department store (the only store I went into all weekend) that sold t-shirts for $250.00. It shocked me even more that people were actually buying them. I stood near the checkout counter and watched a young man purchase four dress shirts and his bill came to $2000.00. As we entered the subway Matt pointed out two teenagers, a young boy and girl, who looked to be runaways and homeless….they slept on the dirty cement floor. The girls hair was filthy and looked like it hadn’t been combed in days. I watched a drug addict who was so high he couldn't walk straight.
Many friends had offered recommendations…. told me to see this site and that site in NYC. But I didn’t notice anything…couldn’t concentrate on anything….except the people. And the sin.
It seemed odd, but I also noticed the smell. I told Matt that all I could smell was human waste and rotten garbage. I could NOT get the smell out of my nose. Even now, as I write, my senses remember the stench.
Matt and I continued to walk. And a short distance away I heard a preacher. He was preaching with power into a loud microphone! My heart skipped a beat and I thought “YES!” The closer we got I could hear that he was actually preaching from the King James Bible. We got closer and saw big, strong black men standing in a group. They wore red robes with the star of David on their shoulders. One man read the Scripture and the other man preached. The rest of them looked as if they were standing guard in front of the two speakers. There were several groups of these men standing on corner after corner for blocks on end! The more we listened I realized that they were preaching false doctrine. Although they were quoting from the Bible, they were preaching hate and lies. These men believe that they are black Jews…the real chosen people…and that the white man are literal spawn of satan. I was trying to wrap my mind around what was being said. Matt and I got separated so I stood in the background waiting for him to find me. A group of Jewish men dressed in Orthodox Jewish clothing walked by me. The false preacher screamed at them, calling them imposters and yelling something in the Hebrew language. The Jewish men hid under their hats and all but ran. I heard one say quietly to the other “Go…lets get out of here!” They were filled with fear. Just as they passed me, the false preacher screamed into his microphone “Lady with blonde hair, DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD???” Out of all of these hundreds of people he’s talking to ME??? My mind raced….do I engage in conversation with this man?? I know one thing…I will NEVER deny my belief in God no matter who asks me. So I shouted “Yes I believe in God!” I sounded like a little mouse next to his booming voice. He yelled, questioning me further “Then you believe what I am saying?” God strategically placed a man next to me and he looked at me and said the words I was thinking “Do not engage in conversation with him. He is teaching false doctrine. He hates the white man and he thinks we are from satan. Then this man walked directly in front of me as if to protect me. He blocked me from the preachers view.
I wanted to RUN into the middle of the street and scream at the top of my lungs. “GOD, WHERE ARE YOU IN ALL OF THIS??” It felt like I was in a literal hell---a place without God. And, I hated it. Matt found me, grabbed me by the arm and said “Lets get out of here!”
I got home and couldn’t sleep. I tossed and I turned. I got up then laid back down. 2:00…3:00…and finally I got up for good and went out onto the deck overlooking the water. In the darkness I asked God “Why am I so unsettled?” And instantly the Holy Spirit said “You asked me to show you. Now you see what I see. How far man has come since sin entered. Mankind…fallen, sick, overtaken with evil.” I stood in silence for the longest time. It was as if God had literally taken me by the hand from beginning to end and pointed out scene after scene….. even down to the sickening smells…..and showed me exactly what He sees when he looks down on this earth. God doesn’t see sites and buildings….God sees people!
I stood, watching the sun rise, and wondered why we send missionaries to far-away lands when….just a five hour drive to the east of me…there is a place that needs Jesus desperately… In my very own state of New York! Not once the entire weekend did I hear one man of God on one single street in NYC preach hope and salvation to those lost and dying people!
I haven’t been the same since last weekend. I hope I am never the same person that I was before I saw as God sees. I want to never, never forget.
Last night was the first night of Bible study and I shared this experience with the ladies. I hope they sensed my passion for Jesus. I have a different and fresh perspective as I begin to teach again this year. I hope we all will come away changed!

April 12, 2009 Another strange experience.....

April 12, 2009
I had the strangest thing happen on Thursday as I drove to work. I pulled out of my driveway and started down the street. Directly to the upper-left of my car was the biggest bird I have ever seen. He was staying right with me. If I went faster so did he. If I slowed up he did the same. He hovered next to my drivers window and stayed with me for a mile. Finally I pulled the car over, thinking “is this bird really following me?” Sure enough, he hovered and circled directly to the left of my window. He was so close that I could see every detail of his beautiful body and every feather on his wings. If I had opened my window I could just about touch him. Weird! I have been memorizing/meditating on Psalm 91 for the past few weeks. My mind went directly to “dwelling under the shadow of the Almighty and how He protects us under His wings”. I smiled and thanked God for the perfect illustration! I felt comforted by the experience.
Later I mentioned the strange and humungous bird to my husband Matt, telling him about its odd behavior. Excited, I asked him if it could have possibly been an Eagle? I told him how I had never seen another bird like it….so big and so beautiful. I asked, “Do we have eagles in our area?” I looked up, and in the distance was a bird that looked just like “my” bird! I said “right there….thats it….what kind of bird is that?” He said “That is a vulture”. A vulture????
My heart dropped. Oh man….a vulture. Everyone knows what vultures do….they hover and circle over dead or dying things!!!! Ewww…That stupid bird was hovering and circling over my car....over me!!! We were both silent.
I’ve thought about it for a couple days now. Im not really alarmed by it. I have been saved for thirty seven years and this stupid flesh has been dying ever since !! The past few weeks have been particularly difficult for me. The old, dying man within me has been fighting death…shouting things like “its not fair and why does it have to be this way!!” Groaning to stay alive! Who knows….it would be pretty neat if that ole vulture could sense the flesh in me dying! The new man that rises up will live eternally!
I had a pretty amazing time this morning. Its Easter….resurrection Sunday. I forgot that I had wanted to watch the sun rise over the lake. I had read this past year where a friend of mine does that each easter and I thought that it was a great idea (thanks Jen!) But I forgot….that is until I woke at 6 and saw a beautiful glow over the lake. I jumped out of bed, wrapped a quilt around me, and ran to the porch. Just me, God, and the birds! I sang every “He is risen song” I know at the top of my lungs (No one could hear me over the waves)!! I talked to the Lord and thanked him for dying and rising again so that I can live! Wow….what a way to start the day! I watched the sun rise in the beautiful pink-orange sky, representing my Savior and His resurrection! One day…..no more sorrow, tears or death!!
Happy Easter!!

Some Day My Prince Will Come

I smiled today as I watched my son, Jake, say goodbye to his fiancé, Cheryl. They have had a long, three year separation since he has been away at school. I smiled because this will be their last goodbye! When he comes home in May they will be together and they’ll never have to say that word again. I’m pretty surprised at how fast the time has gone. Seems like just yesterday he asked Matt and I what we thought of him going to Tennessee for school. Now he will be graduating in four weeks!
When Jake first told Cheryl that he was going away…she cried. She didn’t know how they were going to endure the separation. They tried to grow as a couple from a distance! They talked every single day. It was painful for the rest of us to watch. We were happy when they were together and sad when they had to be apart!
Everything God created in earth is a picture of something to point us to a principle about Himself. And today I am reminded of the words of my beloved “I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go to prepare a place for you I will come again and receive you unto myself…that your joy may be full!!!”
Hang in there…..on the day that our Prince arrives….there will be NO MORE Sadness… no more tears…..no more Sorrow….No more GOODBYES!!!!
Even so Lord Jesus….COME QUICKLY!!!

Unbelievable!!!

Last night I got to have the best time with my Grandchildren in Texas. Joshua just turned 3 and I watched him, on skype, open up the gifts I sent him for his birthday. I heard him say “wow!!” with excitement as he examined each one. I LOVED it!! I sat there with a huge smile on my face. Joshua sang me a song and tried to figure out where I was?? Was I really inside of the computer? I told him I was at my house and I could see his little mind trying to understand how I could be in the computer at his house and far, far away in New York at my house. That has to be confusing to a 3 year old. (Its confusing…and amazing… to this 46 year old!) I loved being in Joshua’s world.
I was trying to get 4 year old, Noah’s, attention. It’s so hard to have a conversation with preschoolers anyway…let alone on a computer screen. I said to him “Noah, Grandma got a new washer and dryer”. That got his attention. Noah is absolutely fascinated with washing machines and dryers. He stopped what he was doing and looked dead center into the camera. I asked him if he wanted to see them. He did. As I walked the computer to the laundry room he was giggling with excitement. He is so adorably funny….this obsession with washing machines!! I showed him the machines and he smiled and said “Wow! It has a circle front!” He asked me if I would turn the machines on so he could see them work. I did. I loved watching him as he watched the machines make noises. I showed him each button and showed him Papas clothes that were in the dryer. After I went back to the living room we spent the rest of our visit with him building a washing machine out of toys and boxes…and me watching his creativity! I LOVED being in Noahs world.
This morning I was thinking about our internet visit and I was still smiling (still am!)! I love those babies so much! I was thinking about Noah’s interest in washing machines and how much I loved sharing in his interest. I love sharing in it because I love him. I don’t understand it and I have to say they don’t fascinate me one bit. They serve a purpose….to clean my clothes. But I love and miss that little boy so much that I just want to be a part of whatever he does. A lot of us do that. Mommy bought him a washing machine from a doll house and made him a washing machine cake for his last birthday. Aunt Hollie bought him a book about car washes and a toy car wash (another one of his interests). We may not understand it….but we love that little guy.
As all of this was going through my head this morning I heard clearly “That’s how much I love you”. It startled me. And I honestly looked around to see who was talking to me. I heard it again. That still small voice. “That’s how much I love you.” I realized I was having one of those moments with my Abba Father. I thought about how He is so very far away and yet He is right here in this very room. How can a human understand that one! And He loves me so much that He delights in what I delight in. I thought about how many times I look out at the lake and I say “WOW!” and how He must smile as I enjoy the gift that He made for me. I talk to Him about everything. Things that, now that I think about it, the God of the universe could probably care less about. But He cares about me. He delights in what I delight in. I was so very blessed that I started singing really, really loud. I started with Amazing Grace and went on to It is Well With my Soul. The magnitude of God the Father loving ME was more than I could fathom. I stopped half way through my singing extravaganza because I thought maybe the construction workers were down stairs working on our dry wall. Pretty sure they wouldn’t understand why a woman was singing at the top, and I mean top, of her lungs. I looked out the window….no car. So I started singing again. God the Father delights in ME. Wow!!! And I imagined him smiling at me. That Abba- Father- smile. And I thanked Him for loving me. And for giving me such amazing children and grandchildren who continue to teach me about HIM!!

Rambling thoughts this morning.....

“ In an age where gay and lesbian experimentation is considered normal on campuses, when every type of perversion imaginable is just winked at, when sexual affairs before and after marriage are totally acceptable, our little ones are positioned to be an unblushable generation. They are being positioned to be a generation who must be judged by a righteous God.

Our enemy (satan) is taking captive an entire generation. His grip is getting tighter and tighter. He has this generation so familiar with sin that when they see immodest filth, they giggle when they should blush and turn away.

Our nation is very quickly becoming a pagan nation-abortion, homo sex, adultery, rampant porn, fornication….no fear of God.”

I did a study on fasting this past year. I read everything that Gods Word has to say about the subject. I read every Christian book I could get my hands on in the subject. The above is a portion of one of those books.

I decided to post this because I am convinced that we as Christians think we are doing everything it takes to ensure that our children walk and stay in the faith. We take them to church, send them to a Christian school, homeschool them, get them involved with everything “Christian” that we can possibly think of. And then we stop. We leave it up to God for the rest. Or so we think. This past week alone I saw Satan steal the souls of four grown children who were raised in Godly homes. Three of them were from homeschooled families.

I remember when the homeschool trend really came to light. It happened when my children were just entering school. Many of my friends decided to go that route. The reason many of us decided to homeschool was not because it was a better education (although that is possible), and not because of a lack of money to send our children to a Christian school (although that was it for some). The majority of us decided to homeschool to keep our children from the world for as long as we could. We wanted to protect them from sin and Satan for as long as possible. The thinking was this: “keep teaching them right and keep them away from the world for as long as we can and when temptation does come to them, they will be stronger against the temptation to sin”. I must tell you younger moms, Satan has a way of penetrating the most tightly sealed environments. I believe strongly that we are missing one very important thing from our war plan to keep our children from the enemy. That is fasting and praying. Fasting brings victory.

Fasting does something powerful in every situation.
When the disciples came to Jesus in Matthew 9, they were confused because they could not get a demon to leave a man. What did the Lord say? “…this kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting”.
Ladies often come to me and tell me the most horrible, real life stories. They are discouraged and defeated by things that are happening in their families. When I ask “how much time have you spent fasting and praying?”, the majority of them say “none”. Actually, never have I had one person say to me “I have fasted and sought Gods will and victory over this”….never.

Last year I had enough of Satan getting victory in a situation in my life. I went to war over a situation in my family. I decided to put God to the test (Oh, stupid human that I am….me putting THE holy God to a test??? I am saying that to get my point across). I went on a fast that was insanely long. I am not going to reveal the amount of time. Just trust me when I say it was insanely long. I wanted God to know that I would rather be dead than live with Satan getting more victory than Himself. I am not sure what I expected to happen exactly. I hoped a lot of things would happen….that somehow I would have this amazing experience with God. But I must tell you that it was the hardest thing I have ever done. It wasn’t physically the hardest….but hard in another way. I was in battle from day one. I persevered and sought God earnestly. I felt like Satan was laughing at me the entire time. Like I was this little ant raising his tiny fist against this amazing and huge spirit world. I persevered. Because I believe the Word of God…. And, I believe that God desires victory in our lives.

And, God was faithful to deliver me from the stronghold. Like Daniel, it did not happen right away. But over a short period of time the stronghold that I have lived with for 20-some years…is gone. I don’t know if it is gone for good. But that is why I will continue to fast and pray.

Fight my sisters in the Lord. Fight for righteousness, for the cause of Christ, for victory in your family, for your little ones, for your grandchildren. Model righteous living to them…..but, do not forget to fast and pray diligently. Remember “this kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting.”

Black Dirt for Sale

I am writing this in a little hotel in the middle of a small town in Illinois. We are 14 hours drive away from home sweet home…Rochester. We are here for a wedding. The town we are staying in is an unusual one. I’m looking out the window at an ice cream shop called “Dairy dream” and a sign in front of it that says “Black dirt for sale”. Nothing to do with ice cream…they mean, real black dirt. I see corn and cows as far as my eyes can look. There is a bar next to the hotel, the only one in town by the way (hotel,that is). They didn't bother to even name the bar. A sign says "Bud Light" to advertise the beer. There are flies everywhere...outside and in every building. They land on my legs and arms constantly. None of the locals seem to even notice. Flies crawling all over them and they dont even try and shoo them away. Strange little town it is!

We ate lunch at a little place. I watched people come in and out. I won’t go into detail but each person seemed a bit stranger than the last. Finally I saw two nice looking older ladies walk in and sit down. They seemed normal! They got their food and prayed together, out loud, before they ate. They said together “in Jesus name, Amen”. I smiled and felt like I had something in common with them. One of them took a bite of her food and swallowed. She went on to say that her food tastes like…..blankety -blank-blank-blank. She cussed up a storm. She didn’t just swear once. On and on she went. I was embarrassed just to be hearing her!

As I said, we are here for a wedding. We went to the church for the rehearsal. The church is an extremely conservative one. There is a group of college students here who attend an extremely conservative, Christian college in the area. These boys had on shirts that said things like “Redeemed by HIS blood” and “Born again”. I was standing in the same room as they were and I overheard them talking to one another. I wasn’t sure I was hearing right. They, all of them, were swearing like seasoned sailors. They were using words that sickened my stomach! They kept swearing and laughing….and no one acted as if anything was amiss. These are the same kids who boast about going soulwinning every single Saturday in the inner city of Chicago. The same who would never use CD accompaniments for special music. And the same who wear clothes that they think look like Christian clothes….suits and ties for them and skirts-only for their girlfriends. They certainly have, what they think is, the Christian “look” down. But when they opened their mouths what came out betrayed what was in their hearts.

I think this is exactly what James meant when he said JAMES 2: 10-11 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Does a fountain send forth at the same place sweet and bitter water.

So….as I write this my heart is a bit heavy. If I feel this way how much is the heart of God the Father sickened? I wonder how many Christians are just playing a game; Just living a life style that they know far too well? I wonder if they really, really know the God behind the religion and the rules? The greatest blessing in this lifetime is the fact that we can KNOW God. The greatest confusion for me is that HE would even desire to know us! Dirty, rotten sinners that we are!

I believe that God allowed me to see these things today. To be more resolved in what I know to be true. We, those who call him Father, are to be different. Set apart. We have a job to do and that job is to glorify our Father….to show The Unseen God to this world in which we live.
Just like this little strange town is not my home and I am very much out of place……so it is with this world in which I live. I’m just passing through! I belong elsewhere! May I represent my Father with excellence and sincerity!!

Back to those young men wearing their "witnessing shirts". They seemed to be offering Christ and were literal "walking tracts" to this world! But when they opened their mouth all they really had for sale was yucky, old, black dirt! Nothing but black dirt for sale!