Happy Valentines Day

My grandmother left a journal.  She faithfully wrote in it.  I couldn't wait to read what she wrote.  Unfortunately, It was the most disappointing journal I have ever read.  Although it has many, many entries it says basically nothing.  Nothing of value anyway. Empty words.  It speaks of dinner menus, weather, who visited when and so forth.  There is not one single entry of words that tell us of this womans heart. What she felt, what she thought, what she loved or struggled to believe or accept.  Nothing at all.  Just words like "it rained today".
 
If my family finds my journal I hope that they will see my very self through words.  That as they read what I wrote....they will see my heart.  It got me thinking about what I want them to know.  I want them to know that I love them deeply.  That I love my Creator and Savior; that my entire world view is based on this fact.  I want them to know that I struggled with many things and that in the end of it all I was faithful.  Faithful to my Father and to those that I love.  They will see that my favorite word is Grace and my most despised word is Sin.  If my children read my journal they will know  how much I love them and the ones they love.  They will see that my greatest joy in my life was raising them and being their mom.  They will see how much I hate sin and how much I love and appreciate grace ( I know that this is a repeat of sorts....but so worth repeating).  They will see that the words from Scripture "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth" were true for me.  They will see that I hurt when they hurt and I am happy when they are happy.  I am their biggest and quietest cheerleader.  That I am ok to be in the background and watch them be husbands and fathers and leaders.  Its an awesome place to be.  Watching my boys...who have become men.  They will also know that I miss the little boys that they were.  Those chubby little cheeks that I kissed and the big blue eyes that melted my heart.  I miss being called Mommy.  I miss yesterday and if I was given one wish I would wish for one day back with them.  I would take them back to our spot in the back yard.  The place where we read books and looked up at the sky.  Where we would sing our songs out loud.  (How many times did we sing Jesus Loves Me?  I hope they have never forgotten those simple words that have so much meaning.)   I would hold them so tight and tell them how precious they are to me.  If only I could go back and live one day again...with my babies.

It is quite possible that my children will one day, when I am gone, read my journal.  My story of life.  They will see how their story is wrapped up in mine.   And how very much they are loved. Hmmm...another lesson learned today. The Holy Spirit is pretty amazing.  This morning as I wrote and thought upon these words I said a prayer that went something like this:  "Thank you Father God, for giving me another practical picture, though imperfect, of your love for me and the Words you have left to remind me! Thank you for letting me see into your very heart. For letting me see what is important to you. That your children is what your heart yearns for. That our little stories are wrapped up in yours and your love for us!" Pretty amazing!