Living with Purpose

2011-06-13T08:37:00.001-07:00

Genesis 4:9 ..."Am I my brothers keeper?"

I believe that these 5 words are among the saddest in all the Bible. If Cain had been Abels keeper (to look after someone or something), the story would have ended much differently.

Several months ago I had to undergo several tests. One being an MRI of my brain. The technician inserted dye into an IV and my body was slid into a tunnel-like machine. I wasn't too concerned about this because I had a plan. I would sing every worship song and hymn I could think of. Not out loud, of course, but in my head. The sound of the MRI machine was awfully loud and when it began to screech I searched my mind for the first song. Nothing. Tried again. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Beginning to get concerned I asked the Lord to help me to think. I must know a thousand songs.....surely I just need to relax. I tried. Nothing at all. No song...no words...no melody. Nothing. A tear streamed down my cheek. Music and worship has always been so much a part of my life and so often what God has used to minister truth and comfort to my heart. I endured the entire MRI in silence. Without a song. It was awful.

I had the hardest time with that. I know the truth....that God cant betray us. But I felt betrayed. I rode home in silence. I spent the rest of the day in silence.
The phone rang. On the other end was a dear sister in Christ, Cyndi. She said "Colette, we have something for you". "We" meaning a group of wonderful friends who were huddled around the phone with her. They began to sing. Really sing...."sing their hearts out sing." These are the words they sang to me:

We will remember, we will remember
We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop and give you praise
For great is Thy faithfulness

You’re our creator, our life sustainer
Deliverer, our comfort, our joy
Throughout the ages You’ve been our shelter
Our peace in the midst of the storm

With signs and wonders You’ve shown Your power
With precious blood You showed us Your grace
You’ve been our helper, our liberator
The giver of life with no end

When we walk through life’s darkest valleys
We will look back at all You have done
And we will shout, our God is good
And He is the faithful One

Bridge
Hallelujah, hallelujah
To the one from whom all blessings flow
Hallelujah, hallelujah
To the one whose glory has been shown

I still remember the day You saved me
The day I heard You call out my name
You said You loved me and would never leave me
And I’ve never been the same

(by Tommy Walker)

As they sang all I could do was cry. At the end of the song all I could do was utter a quiet thank you. My precious sisters....who decided on that day to be my keeper. They had no idea what had just transpired and the incident with the MRI. Even today as I read the words to that song I am teary eyed. Those words are amazing. They are all the hymns and worship songs I know bundled into one beautiful, little song.

I asked the Lord today to allow me to always be my brothers keeper. And I thanked Him for those sisters and brothers who have chosen to be mine!

2011-05-25T07:27:00.000-07:00

I ran 4 miles the other day. That is a miracle in and of itself. I tried to remember the last time I had done that but it was too long ago to remember. When I got to the 2 mile mark I was beyond excited. I saw my son Jake and daughter in law Cheryl driving towards me and decided to make them laugh. I am usually pretty reserved and quiet....and funny is not a descriptive word for me. Every once in a while I try to go out of my normally serious self and let my family see that I can be fun. Plus the fact that I was so happy at what I had accomplished it really was no effort to do what I am about to share. I broke out in a celebration dance....then did a championship boxing victory dance ...did a couple ballet turns....and just to make sure they were seeing things perfectly clearly I shot them a "my eyes on your eyes" move where the index and middle finger point to my eyes then to their eyes I repeated that about 4 times and then took an extravogant bow. Jake flashed his lights at me in recognition of my performance. When his Ford Edge got close enough I realized that the Ford Edge was not Jakes Ford Edge. Oh man. I had just made a complete fool out of myself for a total stranger. I kept my eyes straight ahead and ran faster than Forest Gump. Oh man.
There is absolutely no lesson to this story. Not my usual moral or spiritual application ....nothing whatsoever. Just thought Id share my most humiliating moment ever! Have a blessed day!

2011-05-18T06:02:00.000-07:00

I had a sweet little date with my 6 year old grandson Noah. I just love that boy to pieces. He loves car washes, washing machines, and jets on hot tubs. In that order. We went to dinner and then I surprised him by going to all the car washes that I knew. Seven times we drove my little white car through. He was so excited that he could hardly believe it. I told him that I love car washes and his big eyes looked shocked. He said "You do?? So do I!!!" I told him that we are so much alike. As we drove through each wash he told me what he liked about each one. His favorite part is the drying cycle..and mine is the color polish because it looks pretty on the windows and it smells awesome. Watching Noahs delight and the look in his eyes...well, it was priceless. Then we went to Toys R Us and bought legos so he could construct a carwash. Such an amazing time we had. I hope he alway remembers how much his Grandma loves him! One day he will understand that I love car washes because I love him!
Today I went outside before most of the world was awake. There in Cranberry Pond were 11 swans close enough to touch. I love, love , love swans! They are beautiful and elegant birds. One of them made a noise and the others followed the command to fly. Eleven swans flying took my breath away because it was just beautiful! It reminded me that God loves me and delights in what I delight in. Thank you Father, for entering into my world this morning. For showing me over and over that you love me. Through little things like swans. And through precious gifts like Grandsons

Happy Valentines Day

2011-02-14T10:33:00.000-08:00

My grandmother left a journal. She faithfully wrote in it. I couldn't wait to read what she wrote. Unfortunately, It was the most disappointing journal I have ever read. Although it has many, many entries it says basically nothing. Nothing of value anyway. Empty words. It speaks of dinner menus, weather, who visited when and so forth. There is not one single entry of words that tell us of this womans heart. What she felt, what she thought, what she loved or struggled to believe or accept. Nothing at all. Just words like "it rained today".

If my family finds my journal I hope that they will see my very self through words. That as they read what I wrote....they will see my heart. It got me thinking about what I want them to know. I want them to know that I love them deeply. That I love my Creator and Savior; that my entire world view is based on this fact. I want them to know that I struggled with many things and that in the end of it all I was faithful. Faithful to my Father and to those that I love. They will see that my favorite word is Grace and my most despised word is Sin. If my children read my journal they will know how much I love them and the ones they love. They will see that my greatest joy in my life was raising them and being their mom. They will see how much I hate sin and how much I love and appreciate grace ( I know that this is a repeat of sorts....but so worth repeating). They will see that the words from Scripture "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth" were true for me. They will see that I hurt when they hurt and I am happy when they are happy. I am their biggest and quietest cheerleader. That I am ok to be in the background and watch them be husbands and fathers and leaders. Its an awesome place to be. Watching my boys...who have become men. They will also know that I miss the little boys that they were. Those chubby little cheeks that I kissed and the big blue eyes that melted my heart. I miss being called Mommy. I miss yesterday and if I was given one wish I would wish for one day back with them. I would take them back to our spot in the back yard. The place where we read books and looked up at the sky. Where we would sing our songs out loud. (How many times did we sing Jesus Loves Me? I hope they have never forgotten those simple words that have so much meaning.) I would hold them so tight and tell them how precious they are to me. If only I could go back and live one day again...with my babies.

It is quite possible that my children will one day, when I am gone, read my journal. My story of life. They will see how their story is wrapped up in mine. And how very much they are loved. Hmmm...another lesson learned today. The Holy Spirit is pretty amazing. This morning as I wrote and thought upon these words I said a prayer that went something like this: "Thank you Father God, for giving me another practical picture, though imperfect, of your love for me and the Words you have left to remind me! Thank you for letting me see into your very heart. For letting me see what is important to you. That your children is what your heart yearns for. That our little stories are wrapped up in yours and your love for us!" Pretty amazing!

Thankfully Yours

2011-01-30T10:59:00.000-08:00

Sunday January 30th, 2011

Im surprised that the time has come already for my monthly "things im most thankful for" post. Time goes by so fast. I was told that would happen....the older you get the faster time seems to go by. Its true.

1. Speaking about being older. Thats something Im thankful for. I sure loved each stage of my life. But this one is awesome. I enjoy everything more than I did when I was just kind of surviving...getting to the next stage. Now Im able to enjoy life... I dont know.... more thoroughly. My kids have become my friends. And, what awesome friends they are. I love them completely...and that never changes with time. This age thing is weird. I know that I am the exact same person that I have always been....but my filter...how I see things has changed. I see things in layers...in a depth that I didn't have before. I look at a sunset and can sit and admire it. Almost to the point of tears. Until it is gone. I love food better (not so good), nature, time with people that I love, hugs and physical embrace is sweeter, worship is more genuinely intense....so many things. Ive figured out what is important in life. Wow..reading this over it sounds like Im an 80 year old. Well then...Id love to sit with an 80 year old...and hear their insight! Thank-you God, for the good things that come with age.

2. Im thankful for my health. I had a health scare this past fall. What started out as a headache that wouldn't go away ended (after a long road) with a diagnoses of an auto immune disease called Sarcoid. Im thankful because it has forced me to slow down and take better care of myself. It was a little...no a lot.....intimidating to sit at the desk of a Neuro-Opthamologist/Surgeon. My chair was pulled up next to his chair....at his desk. That alone made me nervous. I instantly wondered if he did this with all of his patients when he had bad news to tell them. My body scans were staring at us on three screens....like the big screen tvs at Best Buy. That big!  My entire insides. My brain. Everything that has never been seen before was exposed in pictures. It was so weird. He had the most serious look on his face. He rattled off abnormalities and normalites. The whole thing made me uncomfortable...almost embarrassed. Then I thought about the people who sat in the same seat, next to the same man...but with different pictures and different results. I had passed those people in the waiting area and they were hooked up to machines and bags of fluid. They wore hospital gowns that hung on their thin bodies. But for now...at least this time...my diagnoses wasn't so bad. Thank you God for the good I found out...and for demanding me to rest!

3. Im thankful for my husband, Matt and for bed bugs. Yep, you read that right. He owns a Pest Control business and we are finding ourselves on lots of trips across the state of NY lately. He battles the Bed Bud epidemic and I get to tag along. Its pretty fun tagging! Today we are in Albany in a coffee shop/book store. I really, really love coffee, books, seeing new places and eating at new restaurants. And getting to know my hubby without interruption. Matt is an interesting human being....who makes me laugh. People ask us all the time....how in the world did you guys get together? We are so different. He is a crazy man who loves adventure and walks to a different beat than the rest of the world. At times he has been the kindest man on planet earth to me. To our boys. To our daughters in law. Our grandchildren. Our family members. We love him for that. And forgive him for the rest. He just looked up from his pile of books....."Interesting facts to read while you are on the toilet" book, "Inventing for Dummies" and "Koran vs Christianity". He gave me the kindest smile and the sweetest wink. Married for thirty years! Thank you God, for faithfulness.

4. Im thankful for my Savior, The LORD Jesus Christ. Without Him I wouldn't have stable, constant security through the aging process and the changes of life.

Although my health may fail, I serve the Great Physician and at the end of this earthly life I will receive a new body that never gets sick! Romans 8 reminds me that He has set me free from the law of sin and death!

And through my marriage I am able to live out a picture of faithfulness between Christ and the church. What a privilege to walk through life with another human....flawed as we both are....and somehow glorify our Savior. Flawed people showing a picture of HIS STORY! Awesome....to live my life as a part of a much,much bigger picture!! Just plain awesome!!

Im incredibly thankful!!

Meet Tracker...the insane shoe lover!!

2011-01-20T08:31:00.001-08:00

We have a little, eight pound Jack Russell terrier named Tracker. He is a work dog and has two serious jobs in his life. One is to find bed bugs for Town and Country Pest Control. He was rescued from a shelter and trained by a man in Florida. The second job he has is one that he was never trained for and one that he has made up in his head. It makes absolutely no sense, but he believes it is his job to guard my husbands shoes. He will growl when anyone comes near them and if the growl isn't heeded he will attack viciously. It doesn't matter how big or small the offender is. It doesn't matter if it is the person, me, who feeds him. It doesn't matter if he is disciplined severely. He never waivers from his duty. Being "The Guarder of the Shoes" is his purpose in this life. He loves those shoes more than he loves his own life.

One afternoon I wanted my husband to chastise him. He had offended me greatly and just about bit my entire foot off because I walked too close to the shoes. Matt corrected him..i moved closer to the shoes...growl. Matt corrected him...i moved closer...growl. If Matt wasn't holding him I would have lost both of my feet and part of my leg. This severe correction went on for a long time. To no avail. Finally my sweet, animal-loving daughter in law (Cheryl) who was watching on couldn't take it any longer. She spoke up and said "I would just hide the shoes". So we did.

I've thought a lot about Tracker and his love of Matts shoes. Do I love anything like that? So much that I would die for it? I think we are suppose to love God like that. That love is to be the sole influence as to why we do what we do each and every day. Deuteronomy tells us to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind." I want to do that. And, Tracker has given me a visual of loving something that much. Thank you little, stupid Tracker. I brought the shoes out of hiding. I put them in his den area where he can see them constantly. He sleeps near them and has a continual watch on those beloved shoes. I praise him each time he growls and tell him what a good dog he is for guarding those shoes. And every day I am reminded of my own lifes purpose and what it means to love something so much! May not make sense to the world...but it makes perfect sense to me.

Thankfully Posted

2010-12-18T09:21:00.001-08:00

Ive decided to, at the end of each month, write about the things that im most thankful for in the past 30 days. New amazing finds, great books, etc. I figure...If I love them...then others may too!

1. I read the BEST book. I get excited when I find a book that captures my attention so much that I cant put it down! Its called "Even Silence Has an End" by Ingrid Betancourt. It is the amazing story of a woman who was taken captive by the FARC, a terrorist group, and held against her will for 7 years. She wrote her story with such....class and honesty. Its hard to believe that this kind of thing is happening today. We live in freedom so it was hard for me to imagine. So many thoughts were running through my mind while reading this book. Im thinking of starting an online book club. It would be lot of fun to discuss books such as this one with other women who love to read. This book was definitely a winner in my book ;)

2. I decided, about 10 years ago, that when I became an empty nester that I would finally be able to catch up on lost sleep. From the time I became a mother 29 years ago, I ceased knowing what it was like to really, really sleep. And then...INSOMNIA....grrr......nobody told me that insomnia hits at about age 46. I became a morning person overnight....and a night owl too. Not a good combination. Finally and reluctantly after 2 years of this nonsense, I resorted to prescription medication. Not good. And then recently my daughter in law, Hollie, handed me a sample of the most wonderful little chewy, NATURAL, sleep aid!! Before I even tried it I was sceptical and didn't think that it would work. But I was more than pleasantly surprised when I woke up after sleeping like a baby, feeling completely refreshed! They are called Sleep Squares. They are made by Slumberland Snacks and can be ordered online at www.sleepsquares.com Sweet dreams to my mid-life friends!

3. Now.. the next thing Im thankful for is something that is not new to me in the past 30 days....but I indulged in them this week. So they count. Charlies Frog Pond on Park Avenue in Rochester, NY serve Sauted Banana Pancakes. They are the best pancakes Ive ever had....ever. The banana in the title may make people hesitant to order them. But even if you dont like bananas Im pretty sure you will love these. You can get them minus the bananas though. They serve them anytime of the day...not just for breakfast. If you live in Rochester they should be on your list of "things I must do before I die". Seriously.

4. I got an early Christmas present from my hubby. It is a wireless keyboard for my ipad. Its pretty amazing. I cant even begin to express how thankful I am for this new high tech gadget. I can write anywhere and no longer have to lug my laptop around with me. This leads me to my thankfulnes for my ipad. Greatest thing ever. My family got it for me on my birthday last year. I have used it every single day since. Its like carrying around all my books, magazines, and computer in one little slim piece of awesomeness. Really....honestly and truly, two of the best gift I've ever received!

5. I am very thankful for the Christmas season. I love the lights, songs, decorations, traditions, snow.....all of it. But I have to say, my favorite part is that the whole country celebrates Jesus birth....even if they don't know it. There are no words to describe my thankfulness for the gift of Christ who brought to me the gift of salvation...which brings meaning and purpose to my existence. In emulating Christ, I love to give gifts to those I love. I really, really love that part. I am thankful for my family more than ever this Christmas season! Merry Christmas!!

That completes my December list of "things that Im most thankful for in the last 30 days"!

~Colette

PLEASE READ

2010-12-17T14:21:00.000-08:00

Dec 2010
17 Fri

I read the most amazing article yesterday. All the news channels in Rochester, NY covered the tragic story. But none came close to covering it as eloquently and beautifully as this man. Although familiar with the writer, Bob Lonsberry, I have never met him. Nor have I ever met the man or the family of whom he writes. I just know that his words captured my attention completely. I read it several times...twice out loud to others....and cried every time. I felt like I was physically at the scene with Bob. I felt what he felt and saw what he saw...every step of the way. Amazing, inspiring, heartfelt and sincere are his words. I am compelled to make it the entry on my blog today. Not only because it is so awesomely written but also because the story is a testament. A testament to a selfLESS man, his wife and son, every person written about....who all showed a true picture of the love of Christ. I desire to write like Bob Lonsberry, to live my faith like this precious wife, to serve others like these heroes and to finish well like Ken Parfitt.

~Colette

SOMETHING I SAW YESTERDAY
As I ran up to him, the first thing I noticed was the Bible.

It was small, a pocket-sized book, in black leather.

It had apparently been knocked out of his clothing when the car hit him, and had landed beside him in the snow, down off the shoulder of the road.

That was yesterday, a few minutes after 7 in the morning.

It was frigid and there was accumulation and black ice and two cars had slid off the busy Interstate. He had stopped and gotten out to help.

He had been on the way to work, with his son, and he saw the motorists who needed help and he stopped. Countless others of us drove on by. But he stopped.

And got out in the blizzard and was going to render aid when out of nowhere came a vehicle.

He was struck and thrown and he landed where I found him, motionless in the snow, by his Bible.

There was a young man standing above him. A nurse from Strong Memorial Hospital was also there, and maybe another man, motorists who had stopped to render aid.

I knelt by the man in the snow. I could find no pulse in his right wrist. The nurse could find no pulse in his left wrist. She felt at his neck and I counted his breaths.

They were the breaths of someone struggling to stay alive. It was as if he was snoring.

I asked the young man what had happened and he told me that the man was his father.

He looked to be in his late teens or early 20s. He was well groomed and in business clothes. And his father was at his feet. It struck me what a horror he must be enduring. I asked him if he would pray for us, and he squatted beside his father and we three bowed our heads as he prayed and said “Amen” when he was done.

The exact details of what followed are kind of blurred in my mind, but a lady called 911 on her cell phone and I asked her if I could speak to the dispatcher. I tried to describe the gravity of the man’s condition and I told her we’d need Mercy Flight. It was a foolish request, given the conditions, and she kindly told me that they couldn’t launch in the blizzard. Then I told her that we’d need the county fly car and she told me that it was on its way.

He had a jacket on with the name of his company on it. The ID tag clipped to his shirt said that his name was Ken. Though he was unresponsive, I talked to him and called him by name and encouraged him and told him what was happening.

Traffic was heavy and slow and I kept looking up from the man to see if I could see any emergency vehicles coming.

The first to arrive was a captain from the Department of Environmental Conservation police. His presence was calming and professional. He and the Strong nurse checked the various occupants of the various cars to make sure everyone was all right.

A man from a utility – maybe the electric company or the phone company – came to offer aid.

As the minutes passed, various passersby brought coats and blankets from their cars to lay over the man. One gentleman took the coat off his back and covered the man with it. Then he took off his gloves and put them over the man’s hands.

At a certain point, the man’s wife arrived. She had been called by the son and, their home apparently being close, had arrived quickly.

“Where is he?” I heard her say. “He is my husband.”

I looked up when I heard those words, and saw a woman walking toward us. I was dreading her arrival. I did not want her to see or experience this. I could not imagine the pain and sorrow inherent in a situation like this.

She was dressed as conservative Christian women sometimes are, in a long dress, it might have been denim, and I think her hair was long and up on her head.

As she approached us, she was calm and business like. She asked how he was and what had happened.

Then she knelt and began to pray.

She may have held his hand, she may have leaned in toward his head. As she spoke, I cast my eyes down and reverently listened. She addressed God. Whether she called him “Dear Lord” or “Heavenly Father” or something else, I can’t recall. But she addressed him, and then she thanked him.

And she offered him praise.

Her words were not words of pleading, they were words of praise and gratitude.

And then she said something like, “If today you wish to call him home and take him from us – thy will be done.”

Thy will be done.

The line from the Lord’s Prayer. The hardest part of faith. At a moment when most of us would be begging God to give us what we want – to spare us our loved one – she asked the Lord to do his will, what he wanted. She trusted him, and had faith in him.

Where could there be a truer test or demonstration of faith than in the snow beside the broken and near lifeless body of your sweetheart and spouse? In that situation, there can be no pretense, no show, only the heartfelt honesty of a soul in direct communion with its Creator.

And in her moment of test, in her own Gethsemane, she literally prayed, like her Savior before her, not my will, but thine, be done.

But if it was not his time to die, if the Lord did not want to call him home, she asked for his life, for her and their children, and strength through the weeks of hospitalization and recovery.

And then she asked that this event would be turned to the glory of God, that somehow it could touch the heart of someone, that someone might find Jesus, that someone might come to salvation.

And that was her prayer.

While I listened for this man’s breaths, and rescuers sped on slippery roads, and neighbor helped neighbor.

Soon I saw a deputy and a trooper, and then a fire truck in the far lanes, and then firefighters around us and finally an ambulance.

They were angels in turnout gear.

They came with such a competence and earnestness.

One medic, a younger man, had an Avon patch on his uniform. He quickly worked to help the man breathe. Another medic, slightly older, had a Livonia patch on his uniform. He worked on the man’s body. Another medic soon came, directly from home, in office clothes, and with the help of the firemen the three of them loaded the man first onto a backboard and then onto a gurney and up into the Avon ambulance.

In a minor and unskilled way, they needed an extra set of hands, so I climbed into the ambulance with them as the doors closed and the rig pulled out.

It may have taken most of an hour to get to Strong Memorial Hospital. We stopped at one point to pick up the Livingston County paramedic. He was a stunningly professional man, and watching him and the others work was like seeing a nuts-and-bolts miracle.

It was high science and true compassion, a moment-by-moment tending of an injured man’s needs. Each medic attending to different tasks or coming together to achieve one. Like a choreographed dance or a loose symphony. I was grateful such people and such technology exist.

In his own way, the ambulance driver performed his own miracles. In stalled bumper-to-bumper traffic, over miles and miles of snowy highway, he pressed forward, moving between and around any obstacles that presented themselves, using his resourcefulness to get the patient where he needed to go.

In the back of the rig, I noticed in the pocket of the man’s shirt six or seven little tracts, religious pamphlets, about the true meaning of Christmas. The sort of thing that religious people pass out inviting others to get saved. As they pulled the gurney out of the rig at the Strong ED, the tracts fell to the floor of the ambulance, wet from the melting snow and stained with the man’s blood.

Later, I would recount this story on the radio, and receive e-mails from coworkers and church members. People who knew him and loved him.

He always carried the Bible and the tracts, they said. And he was the nicest guy they knew. He would do anything for anybody and he and his wife had eight children.

And for the past three years, he and his sons had built with their own hands a house for the family. A house for which they had only recently been granted a certificate of occupancy – a permit for the family to move in and begin its dream life.

He was a good man, doing a good thing, and that didn’t surprise anybody. He came to be hurt because he came to the rescue.

When I went to bed last night, his condition was very grave and prayer requests were echoing across the Internet.

And I couldn’t help but think of the verse from the Gospel of John.

“Greater love hath no man than this,” it reads, “that a man lay down his life for his friends.”

That happened on a cross once, and on battlefields countless times, and sometimes it happens on the side of the road.

I saw something sacred yesterday, and I hope I have communicated it adequately.

I hope I have done my part to help answer a good woman's prayer.

- by Bob Lonsberry © 2010

Heaven is everything we talked about and more!!

2010-07-21T12:54:00.000-07:00

The lesson that I’m writing about today is, in my opinion, the most exciting one I have learned yet. And it was the most difficult journey for me by far.

I met Lori three years ago, shortly after she was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer. For several reasons we connected: we were the same age, shared the same faith, were both mothers and wives, we thought the same…..serious thinkers always trying to make sense out of things that do not…and searching for our Savior in the midst of it all. Once I introduced her to Author John Elderidge our fate was sealed. We were on this road together for whatever the outcome. The day that she came into my office for her first counseling appointment she said these words “I want to live and I will fight to do that. But if I find that I am going to die will you help me to die well?” I took the assignment…and I took it seriously. We met on a regular basis for three years. During that time Lori fought hard to stay alive. We walked that tough road together and in the process became close friends. When it looked as if Lori’s life here on earth would end, we grieved. Our conversations grew intense as we discussed heaven, salvation, purpose and fears. As I look back now I realize that I was always pointing her to Jesus. When she had fears about salvation….we went through verse after verse on what true salvation and conversion is. Each and every fear was talked about in depth and the Word was pointed to for hope and proper perspective. Towards the end of her earthy life I wrote out verse after verse about heaven and eternal life so that she could pick it up whenever she wanted to and see truth….and be comforted. When she had a hard time deciding what to focus her attention on (because how does one decide that when there is so much to do and so little time?) I gave her a book on the names of God and suggested that she focus on all that HE is.
When Lori entered the beautiful hospice house, The Shepherds Home, I was privileged to spend Thursday nights with her. Her family made arrangements for someone to stay with her each night because she didn’t want to be alone. Those nights were precious to me. We talked about so many deep and personal things. Things that dying people talk about when they know that their earthly life will soon be over: regrets, dreams that will never be and happy memories. We laughed and we cried. We talked a lot about Heaven. I will always be thankful for that time. During my visits, Lori told me about her love of Tiger Lilies. Her family and friends always made sure that she had fresh and beautiful bouquets of tiger lilies in her bright yellow room. Each Thursday she couldn’t wait to show me the newest bunch of her favorite flower! I had always known Tiger Lilies to be more of an accent flower to pretty bouquets and not really a bouquet all their own. How Lori loved them! They are beautifully unique….like my sweet friend.
One evening Lori and I talked about a book that we were both reading on Heaven by Randy Alcorn. Then later, in the middle of the night, she called to me “Colette, are you sleeping?” I told her that I was awake and then scooted a chair next to her bed. She said “I just want you to know that, after I am gone, if there is a way for me to tell you that heaven is everything that we have talked about I am going to do that”. I smiled and said “Please promise me that you will…because I think it will be everything we talked about and MORE!”
Just a couple weeks later, Lori passed away peacefully. She was so afraid that it would be painful and difficult….and I am thankful that it was not.
My husband accompanied me to the funeral home a few days later. After speaking with her family I found myself positioned in a place where I could oversee the room full of people. I scanned the room and my eyes fell on the closed casket. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. My friend….who fought so hard not to be there….was there. I felt grief engulf me. It literally felt like a huge weight on my spirit and the feeling was unbearable. I went to my husband and told him that I needed to leave. I got in the car and began to weep. Grief is horrible. It filled my heart with doubt and fear. It was overtaking me. My husband drove in silence…. and I continued to cry. As we were crossing a bridge that overlooks a bay I looked up. There in the sky I saw the most beautiful sunset I have EVER seen in my life. It took my breath away and I asked Matt to stop the car so we could get a better look at that sun! That’s when the Holy Spirit distinctly said this “Colette, you spent three years pointing Lori to Jesus. Get your eyes back on the SON. If your focus stays on the ugliness of death it will overtake you. If you keep your eyes on sorrow and death you will loose sight of the truth. Focus on the SON …He is the one who brings beauty to the consequences of the fall. Focus on the SON.” I know that the Sun is a picture of the Son of God! Looking out the window of the car, directly in front of me was that picture…oh what a glorious picture it was! My tears stopped and I was truly comforted. I actually smiled. Just as I always pointed Lori to the Son of God in her despair….I was being pointed to Him in mine.
The next day I attended the funeral alone. The whole time I had a smile on my face because I knew that Lori would have been so pleased. She planned exactly how she wanted the service to unfold and it was playing out even more beautifully than she had dreamed. She wanted everyone to hear and sing the songs that she loved to the God that she loved. She wanted others to be pointed towards the Lord and for Him to be glorified through the tragedy of her death. Her daughter, sister, and husband spoke and oh, how I wish she could have heard them. Towards the end of the service I felt the grief begin again. It started slowly and then that same overwhelming, miserable sadness engulfed me. It was awful. Again, I had to leave. I tried to think right thoughts. I tried to focus on the SON. But my heart was broken and I cried all the way home. My friend was gone. My beautiful friend. I couldn’t call her. I would never be able to call her again. Grief is horrible. I walked into my house with such a sad and heavy heart. I walked slowly up the stairs and turned the corner into my living room. It took me a minute to register what I was seeing. There on my counter was the most beautiful bouquet of TIGER LILIES that I have ever seen. I am 49 years old and never once have I had tiger lilies in my house nor have I had anyone ever buy them for me. Tiger Lilies….Loris favorite flower. On the day of her funeral, when I am overwhelmed with grief because I would never be able to talk to her on this earth again….Tiger Lilies are delivered to my home! ! I looked at the funeral program that I was holding in my hand. It was decorated with tiger lilies. Immediately I remembered Lori’s words to me “Colette, if there is a way for me to tell you that heaven is everything that we have talked about……..” WOW! I knew that this was from the LORD! I was instantly comforted. A friend had delivered the flowers to my daughter in law, Cheryl. She is pregnant and he wanted to encourage her. But little did he know that those flowers were for me! I pictured him standing in the store and the Holy Spirit whispering in his ear “Right there…..get those tiger lilies to 3007 Edgemere Dr…..and do it today!” Only God knew how much I needed those flowers on that particular time and day to ease the pain in my heart! I am so very thankful to have such a personal and loving God, for the surety of eternal life and for wonderful friends like Lori who give us purpose and joy in this life!!

I am in LOVE with the Prince of Wales.....

2010-03-24T08:40:00.000-07:00

I am head over heals in love with the Prince of Wales. The fabulous hotel in Niagara on the Lake, that is.
They knew I was coming and had prepared my room: Oranges and water on the night stand, soft and relaxing music playing, and a beautiful pink rose on the pillow.
The minute I walked into the room…I smiled a smile that never went away the entire weekend. The atmosphere was peaceful…all the staff spoke in whispers. They display fresh roses, brought in daily, all over the hotel. My husband pointed out the floor. The floor that we walked on was worth millions of dollars…. Shining, expensive wood intricately inlaid into wood. It was gorgeous. The meals in the five star restaurant were unbelievable. The lightly salt-water pool was just the right temperature and absolutely refreshing. I made the statement that I could live like this forever. Matt said he couldn't’ and that he didn’t think he was made to live in luxury. From the time I woke up to the time I…well, even while I slept…I felt like a princess. I was surrounded by beauty at every single turn. I woke up in the morning and went to the spa. There I was given a massage. As I lay on the table with fragrant oil being rubbed into my aching muscles (from exercising on the treadmill!) I was thinking what an act of ministry this is. That a total stranger would work to take away the stress and knotting in my muscles. Just the act of touching someone else is an act of acceptance and kindness (even if the therapist is getting paid). As I was on the table with my eyes closed I began to think about my wonderful weekend and how it is such a little taste of eternity. You see, I am a princess. I really am. I am the daughter of the King of Kings.,,,and my Father is preparing a place for me. For me. The Bible tells me that eyes have not seen nor can I even imagine what is going to be there awaiting my arrival. It excites my soul to try to imagine and know that I cannot. My weekend left me refreshed and contented to get back to reality. I was sad to leave…and I left with my oranges and my hotel paper and pen. But I am thankful…for the Prince of Wales. It gave me a taste of what lies ahead when The King of Kings is ready for my arrival!
P.S. Matt didn’t fool me. He could get use to this Prince-living just fine!

Until Next Time,

You want to do what???

2009-10-08T08:44:00.000-07:00

Four years ago I was attending training for a certification at a beautiful location in Portland Oregon. My son Jake (19 years old at the time) tagged along with me for the week. It was my idea for him to come, since I didn’t want to make the trip alone. I promised that on my off time that he could choose whatever activity he wanted us to do. So after looking over brochures from the conference center foyer, he decided on our activity: Bungee jump off the highest bridge in North America. I looked at him like he had lost his mind and he insistently reminded me that I promised. I told him that I was thinking we could see the sights…like the most amazing beach in the world for surfers. Or, the most popular coffee shop in Oregon, the one I saw on the Food Channel. Or, how about if we stand at the bottom of Mt.Hood??? He said that he’d like to still do those things…but that his choice was to Bungee Jump. He thought it would be really cool if we could tandem jump. I told him I would make that decision when we got to the bridge. I then suggested that he call the company and see how late they were open. I was pretty sure and hoping they would be closed in the evening. They were. But Jake, being the persuasive salesman that he has always been, talked the guy into meeting us after hours.
We begin our drive up a steep mountain. That part was pretty amazing. We saw wild elk and the scenery was gorgeous. We kept going higher and higher up the mountain until we came to THE bridge. There was one truck and three boys about the same age as Jake waiting for us. I thought “You have to be kidding me….these boys are the extent of the bungee jumping company???” I told Jake that we better reconsider. He said he still wanted to jump. I told him that I wouldn’t be jumping that day. Like he was surprised. The boys attached one end of a cord to their truck and the other end to Jake. All while he read and signed a release form that they are not liable if he should get hurt. I whispered to Jake that this didn’t seem like the way to do it. Like I knew. And, suggested that we should go back down the mountain. He ignored me and got on top of the banister of the bridge. Then with complete abandonment he jumped…. jumped off the highest bridge in North America. I watched. I will never forget that sight. My child jumping off of a bridge. I spent his whole life keeping him AWAY from bridges and now I’m taping him jumping…my mind was having a hard time wrapping around this one. His arms went out like he was flying and he made a sound of utter abandonment. It was an instinctive yell that came from the depths of his being. I hated hearing it! And there was no turning back…just falling completely forward…with absolutely no control….only faith that you will live. When he was brought back up he had a look on his face of triumph and joy. One of the greatest experiences of his life.
This morning during my time with the LORD a question popped into my head. “Do you love me like that?” My reply “Like what, Lord?”…. and instantly in my head I saw Jake…four years ago…jumping off the bridge…with arms flying. I remembered the sound coming from his mouth. Complete abandonment. I told the Lord that YES! I do love him like that! In the background played the song “Revelation Song”. The words: Holy, Holy, Holy is our Lord God almighty who was and is and is to come. Praise to the King Of Kings, you are my everything and I will adore you..." I stood up and loudly sang along! I was filled with praise and thanksgiving in my heart! I held my coffee cup with both hands and looked up to my Father. In my mind popped “You cant even praise me with your hands held high because you are holding on to things that you love more”
And then the message became clear. God wants me to love him completely….with complete abandonment, with complete faith, with complete passion. Consecrated totally to Him. No turning back and holding on to nothing else.
Oh, may I love God the Father like that! My Savior and My Redeemer. Each and every day of my life. Completely. Wholeheartedly. Totally. And I am assured that it will be…THE greatest experience in my earthly life!

Let me see like you see, Father?

2009-09-23T14:11:00.000-07:00

This past year, in preparation to teach Ladies Bible study, I asked the Lord one question: “Please show me what YOU see Father?” I knew that if I could only see through His eyes….what is important to Him… then I could get a clearer picture as to what to teach. I could gain passion. I could gain clearer goals and see from Gods perspective . “Please show me what YOU see Father?”
God never fails to answer my sincere questions…..as amazing as it seems. The God of this universe...creator of all things…cares about the questions in the heart of one little lady in a tiny part of the United States ministering to a small group of ladies who love Jesus! Amazing.
I prayed and asked that question six months ago. And here is His answer to me:
Matt and I went to NYC this past weekend. The intent was a quiet weekend for Matts 50th birthday. I was excited to have a quiet, relaxing time at the end of a busy work season. It was an absolutely beautiful sunny day as we walked through Battery City Park….at the NYC harbor. I stood across from the Statue of Liberty. I thought about what that statue stood for. How so many years ago people came here to America for the sole purpose of obtaining religious freedom. They were tired of living under organized religion and they were Bible believers who wanted to worship God freely. This trip couldn’t start out any better. My heart was happy and thankful!
The next day we entered the city. I saw hundreds of people. People everywhere, walking in all directions! Matt told me to keep my purse close as person after person brushed against us. It stood out in my mind how that everyone is so different. How could there be so many people in this world….in NYC alone ..and all be unique?
What I noticed most, though, was that so much sin was staring directly in my face. I saw homosexuality everywhere. I had visited NYC a few years ago and saw homosexuals then. But this time…it was prevalent. It was everywhere. They were unashamed and confident in their sin. One man- a cross dresser- walked next to me. He was about 6’2 and he was dressed like a little girl. He had on clothing that reminded me of Shirley Temple and he wore a pig-tail, blonde wig. He walked with boldness and held his head high. I then saw homeless people, alcoholics who begged for money to buy more alcohol. They didn’t beg for food. I watched them go through the horrible smelling garbage cans for scraps. And on the very same street I saw materialism galore. We entered a department store (the only store I went into all weekend) that sold t-shirts for $250.00. It shocked me even more that people were actually buying them. I stood near the checkout counter and watched a young man purchase four dress shirts and his bill came to $2000.00. As we entered the subway Matt pointed out two teenagers, a young boy and girl, who looked to be runaways and homeless….they slept on the dirty cement floor. The girls hair was filthy and looked like it hadn’t been combed in days. I watched a drug addict who was so high he couldn't walk straight.
Many friends had offered recommendations…. told me to see this site and that site in NYC. But I didn’t notice anything…couldn’t concentrate on anything….except the people. And the sin.
It seemed odd, but I also noticed the smell. I told Matt that all I could smell was human waste and rotten garbage. I could NOT get the smell out of my nose. Even now, as I write, my senses remember the stench.
Matt and I continued to walk. And a short distance away I heard a preacher. He was preaching with power into a loud microphone! My heart skipped a beat and I thought “YES!” The closer we got I could hear that he was actually preaching from the King James Bible. We got closer and saw big, strong black men standing in a group. They wore red robes with the star of David on their shoulders. One man read the Scripture and the other man preached. The rest of them looked as if they were standing guard in front of the two speakers. There were several groups of these men standing on corner after corner for blocks on end! The more we listened I realized that they were preaching false doctrine. Although they were quoting from the Bible, they were preaching hate and lies. These men believe that they are black Jews…the real chosen people…and that the white man are literal spawn of satan. I was trying to wrap my mind around what was being said. Matt and I got separated so I stood in the background waiting for him to find me. A group of Jewish men dressed in Orthodox Jewish clothing walked by me. The false preacher screamed at them, calling them imposters and yelling something in the Hebrew language. The Jewish men hid under their hats and all but ran. I heard one say quietly to the other “Go…lets get out of here!” They were filled with fear. Just as they passed me, the false preacher screamed into his microphone “Lady with blonde hair, DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD???” Out of all of these hundreds of people he’s talking to ME??? My mind raced….do I engage in conversation with this man?? I know one thing…I will NEVER deny my belief in God no matter who asks me. So I shouted “Yes I believe in God!” I sounded like a little mouse next to his booming voice. He yelled, questioning me further “Then you believe what I am saying?” God strategically placed a man next to me and he looked at me and said the words I was thinking “Do not engage in conversation with him. He is teaching false doctrine. He hates the white man and he thinks we are from satan. Then this man walked directly in front of me as if to protect me. He blocked me from the preachers view.
I wanted to RUN into the middle of the street and scream at the top of my lungs. “GOD, WHERE ARE YOU IN ALL OF THIS??” It felt like I was in a literal hell---a place without God. And, I hated it. Matt found me, grabbed me by the arm and said “Lets get out of here!”
I got home and couldn’t sleep. I tossed and I turned. I got up then laid back down. 2:00…3:00…and finally I got up for good and went out onto the deck overlooking the water. In the darkness I asked God “Why am I so unsettled?” And instantly the Holy Spirit said “You asked me to show you. Now you see what I see. How far man has come since sin entered. Mankind…fallen, sick, overtaken with evil.” I stood in silence for the longest time. It was as if God had literally taken me by the hand from beginning to end and pointed out scene after scene….. even down to the sickening smells…..and showed me exactly what He sees when he looks down on this earth. God doesn’t see sites and buildings….God sees people!
I stood, watching the sun rise, and wondered why we send missionaries to far-away lands when….just a five hour drive to the east of me…there is a place that needs Jesus desperately… In my very own state of New York! Not once the entire weekend did I hear one man of God on one single street in NYC preach hope and salvation to those lost and dying people!
I haven’t been the same since last weekend. I hope I am never the same person that I was before I saw as God sees. I want to never, never forget.
Last night was the first night of Bible study and I shared this experience with the ladies. I hope they sensed my passion for Jesus. I have a different and fresh perspective as I begin to teach again this year. I hope we all will come away changed!

April 12, 2009 Another strange experience.....

2009-04-12T04:36:00.001-07:00

April 12, 2009
I had the strangest thing happen on Thursday as I drove to work. I pulled out of my driveway and started down the street. Directly to the upper-left of my car was the biggest bird I have ever seen. He was staying right with me. If I went faster so did he. If I slowed up he did the same. He hovered next to my drivers window and stayed with me for a mile. Finally I pulled the car over, thinking “is this bird really following me?” Sure enough, he hovered and circled directly to the left of my window. He was so close that I could see every detail of his beautiful body and every feather on his wings. If I had opened my window I could just about touch him. Weird! I have been memorizing/meditating on Psalm 91 for the past few weeks. My mind went directly to “dwelling under the shadow of the Almighty and how He protects us under His wings”. I smiled and thanked God for the perfect illustration! I felt comforted by the experience.
Later I mentioned the strange and humungous bird to my husband Matt, telling him about its odd behavior. Excited, I asked him if it could have possibly been an Eagle? I told him how I had never seen another bird like it….so big and so beautiful. I asked, “Do we have eagles in our area?” I looked up, and in the distance was a bird that looked just like “my” bird! I said “right there….thats it….what kind of bird is that?” He said “That is a vulture”. A vulture????
My heart dropped. Oh man….a vulture. Everyone knows what vultures do….they hover and circle over dead or dying things!!!! Ewww…That stupid bird was hovering and circling over my car....over me!!! We were both silent.
I’ve thought about it for a couple days now. Im not really alarmed by it. I have been saved for thirty seven years and this stupid flesh has been dying ever since !! The past few weeks have been particularly difficult for me. The old, dying man within me has been fighting death…shouting things like “its not fair and why does it have to be this way!!” Groaning to stay alive! Who knows….it would be pretty neat if that ole vulture could sense the flesh in me dying! The new man that rises up will live eternally!
I had a pretty amazing time this morning. Its Easter….resurrection Sunday. I forgot that I had wanted to watch the sun rise over the lake. I had read this past year where a friend of mine does that each easter and I thought that it was a great idea (thanks Jen!) But I forgot….that is until I woke at 6 and saw a beautiful glow over the lake. I jumped out of bed, wrapped a quilt around me, and ran to the porch. Just me, God, and the birds! I sang every “He is risen song” I know at the top of my lungs (No one could hear me over the waves)!! I talked to the Lord and thanked him for dying and rising again so that I can live! Wow….what a way to start the day! I watched the sun rise in the beautiful pink-orange sky, representing my Savior and His resurrection! One day…..no more sorrow, tears or death!!
Happy Easter!!

Some Day My Prince Will Come

2009-03-15T16:03:00.000-07:00

I smiled today as I watched my son, Jake, say goodbye to his fiancé, Cheryl. They have had a long, three year separation since he has been away at school. I smiled because this will be their last goodbye! When he comes home in May they will be together and they’ll never have to say that word again. I’m pretty surprised at how fast the time has gone. Seems like just yesterday he asked Matt and I what we thought of him going to Tennessee for school. Now he will be graduating in four weeks!
When Jake first told Cheryl that he was going away…she cried. She didn’t know how they were going to endure the separation. They tried to grow as a couple from a distance! They talked every single day. It was painful for the rest of us to watch. We were happy when they were together and sad when they had to be apart!
Everything God created in earth is a picture of something to point us to a principle about Himself. And today I am reminded of the words of my beloved “I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go to prepare a place for you I will come again and receive you unto myself…that your joy may be full!!!”
Hang in there…..on the day that our Prince arrives….there will be NO MORE Sadness… no more tears…..no more Sorrow….No more GOODBYES!!!!
Even so Lord Jesus….COME QUICKLY!!!

Unbelievable!!!

2009-02-25T10:00:00.000-08:00

Last night I got to have the best time with my Grandchildren in Texas. Joshua just turned 3 and I watched him, on skype, open up the gifts I sent him for his birthday. I heard him say “wow!!” with excitement as he examined each one. I LOVED it!! I sat there with a huge smile on my face. Joshua sang me a song and tried to figure out where I was?? Was I really inside of the computer? I told him I was at my house and I could see his little mind trying to understand how I could be in the computer at his house and far, far away in New York at my house. That has to be confusing to a 3 year old. (Its confusing…and amazing… to this 46 year old!) I loved being in Joshua’s world.
I was trying to get 4 year old, Noah’s, attention. It’s so hard to have a conversation with preschoolers anyway…let alone on a computer screen. I said to him “Noah, Grandma got a new washer and dryer”. That got his attention. Noah is absolutely fascinated with washing machines and dryers. He stopped what he was doing and looked dead center into the camera. I asked him if he wanted to see them. He did. As I walked the computer to the laundry room he was giggling with excitement. He is so adorably funny….this obsession with washing machines!! I showed him the machines and he smiled and said “Wow! It has a circle front!” He asked me if I would turn the machines on so he could see them work. I did. I loved watching him as he watched the machines make noises. I showed him each button and showed him Papas clothes that were in the dryer. After I went back to the living room we spent the rest of our visit with him building a washing machine out of toys and boxes…and me watching his creativity! I LOVED being in Noahs world.
This morning I was thinking about our internet visit and I was still smiling (still am!)! I love those babies so much! I was thinking about Noah’s interest in washing machines and how much I loved sharing in his interest. I love sharing in it because I love him. I don’t understand it and I have to say they don’t fascinate me one bit. They serve a purpose….to clean my clothes. But I love and miss that little boy so much that I just want to be a part of whatever he does. A lot of us do that. Mommy bought him a washing machine from a doll house and made him a washing machine cake for his last birthday. Aunt Hollie bought him a book about car washes and a toy car wash (another one of his interests). We may not understand it….but we love that little guy.
As all of this was going through my head this morning I heard clearly “That’s how much I love you”. It startled me. And I honestly looked around to see who was talking to me. I heard it again. That still small voice. “That’s how much I love you.” I realized I was having one of those moments with my Abba Father. I thought about how He is so very far away and yet He is right here in this very room. How can a human understand that one! And He loves me so much that He delights in what I delight in. I thought about how many times I look out at the lake and I say “WOW!” and how He must smile as I enjoy the gift that He made for me. I talk to Him about everything. Things that, now that I think about it, the God of the universe could probably care less about. But He cares about me. He delights in what I delight in. I was so very blessed that I started singing really, really loud. I started with Amazing Grace and went on to It is Well With my Soul. The magnitude of God the Father loving ME was more than I could fathom. I stopped half way through my singing extravaganza because I thought maybe the construction workers were down stairs working on our dry wall. Pretty sure they wouldn’t understand why a woman was singing at the top, and I mean top, of her lungs. I looked out the window….no car. So I started singing again. God the Father delights in ME. Wow!!! And I imagined him smiling at me. That Abba- Father- smile. And I thanked Him for loving me. And for giving me such amazing children and grandchildren who continue to teach me about HIM!!

Rambling thoughts this morning.....

2008-09-13T09:11:00.001-07:00

“ In an age where gay and lesbian experimentation is considered normal on campuses, when every type of perversion imaginable is just winked at, when sexual affairs before and after marriage are totally acceptable, our little ones are positioned to be an unblushable generation. They are being positioned to be a generation who must be judged by a righteous God.

Our enemy (satan) is taking captive an entire generation. His grip is getting tighter and tighter. He has this generation so familiar with sin that when they see immodest filth, they giggle when they should blush and turn away.

Our nation is very quickly becoming a pagan nation-abortion, homo sex, adultery, rampant porn, fornication….no fear of God.”

I did a study on fasting this past year. I read everything that Gods Word has to say about the subject. I read every Christian book I could get my hands on in the subject. The above is a portion of one of those books.

I decided to post this because I am convinced that we as Christians think we are doing everything it takes to ensure that our children walk and stay in the faith. We take them to church, send them to a Christian school, homeschool them, get them involved with everything “Christian” that we can possibly think of. And then we stop. We leave it up to God for the rest. Or so we think. This past week alone I saw Satan steal the souls of four grown children who were raised in Godly homes. Three of them were from homeschooled families.

I remember when the homeschool trend really came to light. It happened when my children were just entering school. Many of my friends decided to go that route. The reason many of us decided to homeschool was not because it was a better education (although that is possible), and not because of a lack of money to send our children to a Christian school (although that was it for some). The majority of us decided to homeschool to keep our children from the world for as long as we could. We wanted to protect them from sin and Satan for as long as possible. The thinking was this: “keep teaching them right and keep them away from the world for as long as we can and when temptation does come to them, they will be stronger against the temptation to sin”. I must tell you younger moms, Satan has a way of penetrating the most tightly sealed environments. I believe strongly that we are missing one very important thing from our war plan to keep our children from the enemy. That is fasting and praying. Fasting brings victory.

Fasting does something powerful in every situation.
When the disciples came to Jesus in Matthew 9, they were confused because they could not get a demon to leave a man. What did the Lord say? “…this kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting”.
Ladies often come to me and tell me the most horrible, real life stories. They are discouraged and defeated by things that are happening in their families. When I ask “how much time have you spent fasting and praying?”, the majority of them say “none”. Actually, never have I had one person say to me “I have fasted and sought Gods will and victory over this”….never.

Last year I had enough of Satan getting victory in a situation in my life. I went to war over a situation in my family. I decided to put God to the test (Oh, stupid human that I am….me putting THE holy God to a test??? I am saying that to get my point across). I went on a fast that was insanely long. I am not going to reveal the amount of time. Just trust me when I say it was insanely long. I wanted God to know that I would rather be dead than live with Satan getting more victory than Himself. I am not sure what I expected to happen exactly. I hoped a lot of things would happen….that somehow I would have this amazing experience with God. But I must tell you that it was the hardest thing I have ever done. It wasn’t physically the hardest….but hard in another way. I was in battle from day one. I persevered and sought God earnestly. I felt like Satan was laughing at me the entire time. Like I was this little ant raising his tiny fist against this amazing and huge spirit world. I persevered. Because I believe the Word of God…. And, I believe that God desires victory in our lives.

And, God was faithful to deliver me from the stronghold. Like Daniel, it did not happen right away. But over a short period of time the stronghold that I have lived with for 20-some years…is gone. I don’t know if it is gone for good. But that is why I will continue to fast and pray.

Fight my sisters in the Lord. Fight for righteousness, for the cause of Christ, for victory in your family, for your little ones, for your grandchildren. Model righteous living to them…..but, do not forget to fast and pray diligently. Remember “this kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting.”

Black Dirt for Sale

2008-08-08T13:48:00.000-07:00

I am writing this in a little hotel in the middle of a small town in Illinois. We are 14 hours drive away from home sweet home…Rochester. We are here for a wedding. The town we are staying in is an unusual one. I’m looking out the window at an ice cream shop called “Dairy dream” and a sign in front of it that says “Black dirt for sale”. Nothing to do with ice cream…they mean, real black dirt. I see corn and cows as far as my eyes can look. There is a bar next to the hotel, the only one in town by the way (hotel,that is). They didn't bother to even name the bar. A sign says "Bud Light" to advertise the beer. There are flies everywhere...outside and in every building. They land on my legs and arms constantly. None of the locals seem to even notice. Flies crawling all over them and they dont even try and shoo them away. Strange little town it is!

We ate lunch at a little place. I watched people come in and out. I won’t go into detail but each person seemed a bit stranger than the last. Finally I saw two nice looking older ladies walk in and sit down. They seemed normal! They got their food and prayed together, out loud, before they ate. They said together “in Jesus name, Amen”. I smiled and felt like I had something in common with them. One of them took a bite of her food and swallowed. She went on to say that her food tastes like…..blankety -blank-blank-blank. She cussed up a storm. She didn’t just swear once. On and on she went. I was embarrassed just to be hearing her!

As I said, we are here for a wedding. We went to the church for the rehearsal. The church is an extremely conservative one. There is a group of college students here who attend an extremely conservative, Christian college in the area. These boys had on shirts that said things like “Redeemed by HIS blood” and “Born again”. I was standing in the same room as they were and I overheard them talking to one another. I wasn’t sure I was hearing right. They, all of them, were swearing like seasoned sailors. They were using words that sickened my stomach! They kept swearing and laughing….and no one acted as if anything was amiss. These are the same kids who boast about going soulwinning every single Saturday in the inner city of Chicago. The same who would never use CD accompaniments for special music. And the same who wear clothes that they think look like Christian clothes….suits and ties for them and skirts-only for their girlfriends. They certainly have, what they think is, the Christian “look” down. But when they opened their mouths what came out betrayed what was in their hearts.

I think this is exactly what James meant when he said JAMES 2: 10-11 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Does a fountain send forth at the same place sweet and bitter water.

So….as I write this my heart is a bit heavy. If I feel this way how much is the heart of God the Father sickened? I wonder how many Christians are just playing a game; Just living a life style that they know far too well? I wonder if they really, really know the God behind the religion and the rules? The greatest blessing in this lifetime is the fact that we can KNOW God. The greatest confusion for me is that HE would even desire to know us! Dirty, rotten sinners that we are!

I believe that God allowed me to see these things today. To be more resolved in what I know to be true. We, those who call him Father, are to be different. Set apart. We have a job to do and that job is to glorify our Father….to show The Unseen God to this world in which we live.
Just like this little strange town is not my home and I am very much out of place……so it is with this world in which I live. I’m just passing through! I belong elsewhere! May I represent my Father with excellence and sincerity!!

Back to those young men wearing their "witnessing shirts". They seemed to be offering Christ and were literal "walking tracts" to this world! But when they opened their mouth all they really had for sale was yucky, old, black dirt! Nothing but black dirt for sale!

Question of the day..."Where is God in all this mess?"

2008-07-08T12:48:00.000-07:00

My entry is a bit long. But I felt the need to write what God is teaching me. Mostly so that I can get the thoughts out of my head and into written words. It may sound a bit like rambling? Maybe it will spark some discussion or help someone to see their situation in a new light?

I have heard a consistent theme throughout my counseling sessions the past couple of months. And it is this: “Where is God in all of this mess? I can’t see Him, I can’t feel his presence, and I do not understand what is going on”. I find it interesting that both the saved and the unsaved asked me the same thing; because really, when things get tough, all mankind searches for God.
And then, this past week ended badly for me and I too, searched for God in all of it. God is so good to me. He allows me to experience things…even hurtful things….. ALL for my good and His Glory.

This morning I met a friend for coffee and she too uttered this same theme. She stated that she is in a season of “something!” She said that God is just quiet and she is left struggling.
Afterwards, I said “Ok Lord, I am ready to hear what you have to say….you have my attention!”

I opened my Bible to the book of Job. This book is my least favorite book of all, but I begged God to open my eyes. And He did.
As we all know, Job went through a HORRIBLE storm in life. He lost everything: His family, health, home, friends, reputation, ….everything that mattered to him. As I read I noticed that there was an awful lot of talking going on; On and on by Job and his friends as they tryed to make sense out of Jobs situation. (I can so relate to that! Talk…process…talk some more …try to understand!)

Job said some really good things in the midst of his awful trial. But what I couldn’t wait to read was what God said to him when He finally spoke! I read faster and faster. Along the way I give Job a few pats on the back when he said EXACTLY what I have been hearing (Where is God in this??): Job 23: 8-10 Behold, I go forward, but he is not there: and backward, but I cannot perceive him: On the left hand, where he doth work, but I cannot behold him: and he hideth himself on the right hand, that I cannot see him: But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” In other words…I can’t see him at all in this mess….but HE sees me and that is all I know.

So, I am reading as fast I can while striving to comprehend. I really, really want to hear what God says to this suffering, faithful man. As soon as God speaks it will all be ok, right!? I can’t wait to read His comforting words and I just know the compassion and love that God will bestow on Him! Like soothing ointment to parched lips! God is going to sit Job down and lovingly explain! I mean, I have heard some pretty horrendous life stories but in all honesty, not one comes even close to poor, faithful Job. God is going to comfort him….just WAIT till HE speaks!
And I got to chapter 38 and was really excited to read.

God comes out of a whirlwind (yes!!) and he sounds a bit stern. No, a lot stern. He almost seems angry. I read slowly and deliberately to really understand. But the only thing I could understand AT ALL was that God was reprimanding Job. Telling him that He, God, is the Creator of all things…..telling him things that you and I, and Job, do NOT understand. And if we ever do the awesome things that HE has done….and when we are able to create what HE has created….then maybe we can ask and try to figure out God and the whys and the why nots of this world. Which in plain English….means “Do not try to figure out My ways…you are the created and I am the Creator”. He reminds Job that he takes care of all things…even when it doesn’t make sense to anyone else. He created the wilderness….and HE takes care to water it when man is not around. He says things like “Touching the ALMIGHTY, we cannot find him out!” and “For he saith to the snow, Be there on the earth and likewise to the rain…” Reading God’s words I found myself feeling literal fear in my heart.

When God was finished, Job felt the same as I did, because Job said this “Behold, I am vile; what shall I answer thee? I will lay mine hand upon my mouth…..I will proceed no farther”. Job "gets" it: "He is God, I am not".

Thinking over Gods words reminds me of when parents say to their children “BECAUSE I SAID SO”. Sometimes is seems a little harsh from the mouth of a parent. But in all reality, an explanation is not owed. I didnt always give my sons one.

God made no mention of Jobs trial whatsoever. Not “Im sorry you had to go through this” or “Good job staying faithful, my child!”

And then…..God, who is so good, blesses and restores all that Satan stole from Job. Jobs latter days were better than his before-the-trial days. God is good.

This is what I learned: God doesn’t want us to get into the emotional upheaval of our trials (hard to do!). He wants us to stay faithful to what we know is true. The only way we are going to stay grounded is to press in to HIM and what we know of His character. He will take care of his children…..no matter what storm we go through. End of story. We can ask why….but He is God and He may choose not to answer. If he did not answer Job in this HORRENDOUS trial…then he just may not answer us!

What I love about the Word of God is that it just absolutely grounds me. It takes me out of the emotional and takes me directly into truth. That is why, when going through difficulty, it is so extremely important to stay in the Word.
We were born into a battle. Satan is working to get us to fail, loose our faith, be discouraged beyond repair. He will use whatever it takes and whatever is closest to us whenever he can.

Satan said to God (my words) “Just wait and see if Job stays faithful when I HURT him!” And, I believe he says the same thing about us.
Twice God said to Job “Gird up now thy loins like a man…” He treated him like a soldier instead of a child who was wounded. He says the same to us!
Get up….brush yourself off….and remember “I AM GOD”.

I am a stronger soldier after reading this. I understand God just a tiny bit better! What matters to Him most is FAITH. It permeates throughout Scripture and throughout the book of Job.

It made me understand why we as children of the living God have more wisdom than the smartest unsaved person! Everything is put into proper perspective when we use Gods Word as our world view!

Any thoughts from my blogging friends?

Matt bought me a kitten

2008-05-18T19:35:00.001-07:00

Matt bought me a birthday present. This kitten cant possibly be evil...he is too beautiful!! I need a name. Any suggestions??

The power of WORDS!

2008-05-02T10:17:00.001-07:00

I just got back from Texas and had a great visit with Jeremiah and Suzi and my adorable grandsons, Noah and Joshua! I went with my mom and dad, which made the trip exceptionally fun. While there, we were able to visit with some friends that I grew up with from Toledo.
Tony and I became friends when we were only 8 (me) and 9 (him) years old. He taught me how to catch toads and salamanders (really!) and how to shoot a gun. We stayed friends for years…going to teen camps and were involved in the same youth group at our church. His wife, Sherry, and I were also friends from way back. We attended the same Christian High school together. We were married a week apart and then our paths went different ways.
We talked about our past and all the fun memories we shared. Our conversation turned a different direction as we discussed some of the hard times at our church. Many of my age group felt a lot of rejection from the leaders. Many felt as if they could never measure up to the legalistic standards that were set….and many do not attend church today. Sherry brought up a man and a statement he made about Tony when he was around 17 years old. The man said “Tony, you will never amount to anything!!!” The man was one who seemed to find fault in all of us and patrolled the halls of the church religiously. He set us all straight whenever he thought we were doing something we shouldn’t. Tony was NOT a bad kid at all. He was just that….a kid. And kids are a little loud, fast, and unrefined! I have no idea what prompted this man to say that to Tony. But was he ever wrong!
Tony is in the Army and has made a career out of the military. He flies Apache helicopters and has flown and faught in the current war in Iraq. He is going back again next March. He is a W5 Officer. He is as high as he can go in his field. There are only 5 men in the world who have this job and 2 in the United States….Tony being one of them. He took us on a tour of Fort Hood Military base, the largest in the world. Men continually saluted him and showed him respect. I was amazed at his knowledge of the base and every thing on it!
Tony and Sherri are involved in their church and still living for the Lord.
I can’t tell you how proud I am of my friends! I thought more about the statement the man at church made. How many years ago was it that the man made that negative statement to Tony? Almost thirty years ago!!! And yet, sadly those words are still remembered. The Bible talks about the power of words. They can bring life or death to a person. May this be a reminder to all of us. We can show Christ to those around us and bring encouragement to others….or, we can bring discouragement and shame to the body of Christ.

Tony looked at my parents and said “You, however, were an encouragement to me every time I saw you. Thank you!”

I am so proud of my Mom and Dad….they were that way to all of my friends. They always saw the best in them and my friends knew they were always welcome and loved in our home. My parents were a true picture of Christ!

Are your words bringing life or death to someone? How will your words be remembered thirty years from now?

I want to hear your answers!!!

2008-04-20T14:56:00.000-07:00

I added a question to my front page profile: If God asked you..."What can I do for you?" like He asked Solomon, what would you ask of Him?

I would love to hear your answers to this! I know it's a bit intimidating. So, I will be the first to answer.

In our Bible study last fall we talked briefly about this question. I think about it a lot though. And it seems that at different times...different days, I ask God different things. This is my answer today:

I would ask that God talk with me....really talk to me....every single day of my life. I wish that I could hear him like Samuel did. I would like to go to the same place every single day. "My meeting place with God" and there I would be able to discuss things with Him. No more faith! I am tired of living by faith. I want pure fellowship and communication with God. I want to sit at His feet and listen! I want to understand all that I don't understand. No more faith!

What about my blogging friends....what would you ask God to do for you????

NEWS FLASH!!

2008-04-17T15:30:00.000-07:00

OK Girls, I just had to share this with you! I came home from getting my hair done...all refreshed and happy after spending the afternoon talking with Senta! I walked into my kitchen and the floor and walls were COVERED in blood. Blood everywhere! I had a couple of clues that it may involve the creepy, invisible cat.... bloody cat trap, empty cat food cans. I also had a clue that it involved my husband. I wasnt sure who won though. There was no sign of the cat or Matt anywhere. On the counter was a camera with the following pics of Matts bloody hands: Well..... I will show them to you IF I can possibly figure out how in the world to post them on this blog!

Well....I can't figure out how to post the pics! It is pretty frustrating being blogging illiterate!

You just have to trust me. It is purely awful. The pics are of Matts hands covered in blood and cut everywhere!

Matt finally came home from the doctors... all bandaged up and unable to use his wounded hands. Earlier today he caught the cat in the trap but when he tried to take it out and pet the sweet little thing...it viciously attacked him. Didn't I tell you that cats attack people! Matt didnt believe me. He does now. I knew it was an evil cat. I just knew it! I can't believe it has been roaming loose in my house for days!

Don't ask what happened to the cat. Lets just say...it won't be needing a home.

And by the way, I think Ole Spanky-boy KILLED his elderly owner and everyone just THOUGHT he was howling in grief!

*Matt showed me how to upload the pic!!*

On a happier note: I got to see my new grandson, Cayden Caleb, in his 3-d ultasound this morning! He is beautiful and IF, IF, IF I could post a picture I would do it. That way you could all see just how beautiful he is!
My daughter in law, Hollie, is awesome for letting me be at the ultrasound! This is a reminder to all of my blogging friends....BE NICE to your Mother-in-laws! If it weren't for them you wouldn't have those awesome husbands of yours...or your sweet babies! You owe it all to them...wink! Love you Hollie and Suzi Q!!

A CRY FOR HELP!!!

2008-04-14T19:23:00.000-07:00

Matt called me on my cell the other day and asked what I thought about taking in a cat. I have never been a cat person…ever! That is until last summer when my son Caleb trapped a bunch of wild cats at our churches new building site; He brought home a kitten and put it under my shed. After a while the kitten and I became friends. Then he ended up in my house and eventually in my heart! I fell in love with that cat….whose name is Smokey. Several weeks ago Smokey disappeared. I have missed him so much! I keep thinking he is going to come home any day now.

But anyhow, back to the new cat that Matt has called me about….
He tells me that this cat, named Spanky, has a sad story. He was purchased by an elderly man about four years ago. The man had no family in this world. He and the cat were inseparable. The cat had never been outside or spent a second away from his owner. A couple months ago the elderly mans neighbor heard Spanky literally screaming.... like a howling,injured animal. He did not stop! Finally after a couple of days, the neighbor got into the house and found Spanky sitting on top of his beloved, dead owner….howling and crying. The cat would not let anyone catch him. The home was cleaned out and new owners were getting ready to occupy it. But Spanky would not leave or would not let anyone catch him. He spent every minute on the outside of the window….where he use to sit from the inside perch and look out. Only now he sat from the outside and looked into the home. The people who called Matt said that they had never seen such a sad looking cat.

After hearing this story, I told Matt to bring him home and just let me take a look at him. So, he brings him home. I look at this cat…and well, he is just plain ugly. He is down-right scary looking. He is an odd yellow color, skin and bones and has a vacant, wild look in his eyes. Matt sets him down in my bedroom and he literally slithers away as fast as he could. He ran under my bed. I thought he just needed to get use to us and in time he would come around.

That was the last time I have seen Spanky and it has been several days. He hasn’t touched any of the food or water I set out. Matt said that he probably got outside and is on his way back to his old home. I was a little relieved because I don’t really want a cat with PTSD! I don’t really have time to invest in an emotionally wounded cat. Or any cat at all for that matter!

A few nights ago I heard noises down stairs. I woke Matt up and he went to check it out. I told Matt that it was probably Spanky. Matt says “That cat is NOT in this house…he left!” Night after night I hear noises and Matt tells me I am hearing things. Last night…I heard a plate crash down stairs in the kitchen. I woke Matt up AGAIN..and he went down stairs to find the butter dish on the floor with paw prints in the butter! I knew it!

It’s really giving me the creeps!! I have this strange cat living in my house! I have looked everywhere and can’t find him. I am so afraid he is going to pee on my carpets and it is going to smell horrible! Or, that he is going to jump out and attack me. Cats DO attack people!

I was in Petco the other day looking at the rescued cats they have for sale. They all look extremely sad. I go in and talk to them every so often. There was this one really, really sad looking one who I was talking nicely to. I bent over to look at the one in the cage below him and the one above me took his paw out of the cage and started hitting me over the head. He viciously showed his teeth and hissed at me. It was the weirdest thing. I know they attack people! It is a good thing there was a cage between me and the hissing, hitting cat at Petco!!

So…I am writing to all of you so that you can tell me what to do!!! What do I do with this invisible cat who is hiding some where in my house???? Cat people everywhere….please help!!!!

P.S. FREE TO GOOD...I mean, ANY HOME: Skinny, grieving, odd-yellow-color, invisible, slithering cat. NO trouble to owner. Never seen and only makes occasional noises in the middle of the night. Available just as soon as he is found!!!!!!

Thanks to my blogging sisters!!

2008-04-03T20:51:00.000-07:00

I thanked the Lord for you today….all of you!! I have known many of you for years. But by reading your blogs, I see sides to you that make me appreciate you more than ever. I love being ministered to and blessed by your spiritual thoughts (they amaze me!) & seeing what God is doing in each of your lives (it inspires me!). I love learning more about your roles as women, wives and/or moms. I love reading your sweet family stories. I love seeing how creative and talented you are. But what I love most is….that you girls are so incredibly funny!!! You make me laugh! After long, intense days in the counseling office, I sit down with each of you via the Internet and you lighten my heart… because you make me laugh! Usually I am such a serious person and I have known for a while that I need to laugh more. I just wasn’t exactly sure how to accomplish that. And today, as I thought of you, I realized that you are an answer to my prayer. Thanks my beautiful sisters….for making me smile, easing my burdens and refreshing my spirit!

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you….Phil 1:3

Spring is finally here....

2008-03-30T21:23:00.001-07:00

I met my friend, Melissa, for breakfast this morning. As I was getting ready to leave the house I made a decision. Since the first official day of spring is March 20th…and since I am absolutely sick and tired of snow, cold, gloves, scarves…and being frozen to the core…I decided to believe THE TRUTH: that it really IS spring. It is now the 25th of March….five days AFTER the first day of spring! Spring is filled with flowers, sunshine, new life, mild temperatures…all of that good stuff. I decided that since it is SPRING TIME in Rochester, New York that I would PROOVE it! I decided that I am finished wearing a coat! Thats right...No more coats!! I put my heavy, warm winter coat in the closet and off I went to meet my friend. I walked out the door and was met by a brisk temp of 32 degrees and a chilly wind ..but that didn’t detour me! IT IS SPRING!!! I was going to ACT on what I knew was true! I chose to believe the calendar..it IS the truth!

As usual, I had a wonderful time with Melissa. As we were getting ready to leave the restaurant I noticed that she wasn’t wearing a coat. I asked my like-minded friend where her coat was and she said rather harshly “I’M NOT WEARING A COAT! I’m finished with winter!” I smiled and told her that I am in total agreement….I am finished with winter too!

We got to church for Bible study and another friend, Betty, told me how she is believing it is spring: She took her sweaters, put them in a pile and is wearing one each day. When the day is over she puts the worn sweater AWAY FOR THE SEASON! When the pile is gone she said “It better be warm because I won’t have any more sweaters to wear!”

Please understand that none of us say and do these things as a joke. It is NOT funny! I guess you would have to be living in this cold climate to understand. There is determination and a little caustic sound to our voices as we proclaim our plan! We are done living in winter….ON TO SPRING!

I think about how often I remind myself and others to believe in the truths of the Word of God. “Believe”, I say, “that God is good and that He loves you!" No matter what life is throwing at you….believe IN SPITE of what you see! It may LOOK like God isn’t there. It may SEEM as if He is quiet and that you are alone. But, the Word says differently! He IS good and He DOES love you. All things work together for the good, my sister! You will see….His promises are true. ALWAYS and ALWAYS and ALWAYS!!!! He WILL deliver the righteous, he DOES right all wrong, he DOES know the number of hairs on your head and he DOES have a purpose in your circumstance! Believe with caustic determination! Just keep believing and do not doubt!

Kinda reminds me of us Rochester girls… acting on the truth that it is spring….in spite of the circumstances! It is even snowing as I write. But it IS spring! I look closely at my tree in the back yard….and there on the tips of the branches are little buds. They are just about ready to spring forth as blossoms and are waiting for just the right time! And in spite of the snow, I hear the birds chirping a different song (I really do!) And, the sun is shining brighter and the days are a little longer…. and the geese are pairing off in the field. If I look closely enough I see the signs…Spring IS here! The fulfillment of the truth is just around the corner!

We must never doubt….God is good, He loves us and His word is truth! Believe...and look just a little closer!

What a day that will be!!

2008-03-04T18:40:00.000-08:00

This past week I met with a young friend who has stage 4 colon cancer. We talked about her approach to treatment, about her fears and just how she is going to trust the Lord with her situation to the best of her ability. It brought back to mind much of my time entrenched in soul searching when I was diagnosed with melanoma. I left her with a hug and encouragement.

And she left me with a heavy heart.

This next entry is what the Lord showed me after my time with her:

I recently posted (2/29) about how I have always had a difficult time with change. Thinking about that, I wonder if part of that is due to more than my initial thought that “I love deeply”. I was born three months early. Three months is a long time in a newborns life! A lot more was suppose to happen those last three months living inside of my mother and well….It was too early and I wasn’t finished with that time! And that explains exactly how I have felt at each change in my life. Like, I just wasn’t ready yet…to go to the next stage of life!

I thought about life in the womb (bear with me!). Everyone’s life starts there. LIFE starts at conception….not when we are born. I love Psalm 139 because of how clear it makes this truth. And when I was in the womb it was all I knew. I was content to stay there forever! I heard muffled voices outside, there were people who loved me, there was so much promise for me after birth…but if I could have, I would have never came out of that place! And then, birth happened. And I found that life is beautiful and in spite of the heartbreaks along the way…..it has been a journey of many great things and huge blessings. I have experienced so much!! Had I been given the choice I would have stayed in the womb forever! But I would have lost out on all that was prepared for me.

Should my sweet friend face the end of her days here on earth sooner than she expected, my prayer for her is that she will not be afraid or fearful in any way. Should God choose not to heal her, she will be entering the next stage of life. Just exactly like we all went through the birth canal, we will all go through the valley of the shadow of death. All of us. And God promises to be there with us….. On the other side of, and through, the valley. And on the other side….Oh my, that is when real life begins!!! The Voice that was muffled will be clear, The One who loves me will be there, and all those promises for me will be revealed! The promises of Scripture will be made sight: The river of life, NO tears or sorrow or sadness, No sickness, there will be singing and music like we have never heard, mansions that have been prepared just for us, Pure fellowship with other believers ….believers like Paul and David and Moses. I will thank them for their testimony and their perseverance. I will tell them “Reading your stories gave me the strength to go on when life got tough….thank you for pursuing God because it encouraged me to do so." Oh MAN, the promises of the Life to come will be more than our minds can comprehend. God tells me in his Word that I will have a new name! Finally I will be able to see all that God has prepared for me!

When I take my last breath in this body of clay I will probably not be completely ready. Yes, my soul is saved. But,this world is all I have known. I will want to see my husband, parents, children or gandchildren one more time! I will, more than likely, have many more things that I will want to accomplish. But one thing is for sure: I will not pass from life to death. Oh no sir! At salvation I passed from DEATH unto life, and because of that, when I leave this body I will then pass from LIFE unto REAL LIFE!! Life the way it was meant for me to live.

I know that it is grievous and heartwrenching to say goodbye to our loved ones. I know that. I have tasted of sorrow. I certainly don’t make light of that. But the good news is that we are only separated for a while. I have wept at the caskets of many of my friends and family. I will rejoice on the day that they meet me at the gates of heaven!

What a day that will be when my Jesus I shall see, When I look upon his face, the one who saved me by his grace, when he takes me by the hand, and leads me through the promise land, what a day, glorious day, that will be.

There will be no sorrow there, no more burdens to bear, no more sickness no pain, no more parting over there and forever I will be, with the one who died for me, what a day glorious day that will be!

I miss those in my life who have gone ahead: My brother Anthony, David, Shana, Kevin, Bruce, George, Grandma and Grandpa Friend, Aunt Barb, Mike, Ruthy, Uncle Bill, Uncle Don, Bruce, Lee, Jim, Jeanne and Jerry!!

I hope they all meet me at my entrance!!

Cause really, life is but a vapor and I am right behind my loved ones. Oh, What a day that will be!!!

When was the last time.....?

2008-03-01T19:05:00.000-08:00

This post was a poem I wrote a while ago and I thought about it while I was writing my last blog about change. Thought Id pull it out and publish it here!

I look at him now,
amazed how he's grown,
there were so many "firsts",
time seems to have flown

From his first word and first tooth,
to his first step and first smile,
I remember them well,
though it's been quite a while

But when, I might ask, was the last tuck into bed?,
the last nursery rhyme said?
when was the last time I gave him a bath and rocked
him to sleep,
or kissed his sweet baby feet?

When was the last time he cried out for me,
to soothe away fears
and wipe away tears,
to pick him up and make things alright,
when was the last teddy bear snuggled at night?

I don't know when these moments became the last,
that they were suddenly the past,
....it happened too fast!

I wrote this after watching my grown up boys...it was one of those moments when I took note of how fast time flies. I remembered many of their firsts in life. I wrote a lot of them down on paper. But, the lasts...well, I guess I didnt realize that is what they were!

Kicking and Screaming through change

2008-02-29T10:47:00.000-08:00

I have gone kicking and screaming into each new stage of life. I’m serious. I am a person who loves deeply. Each new stage calls for me to leave behind something or someone that I deeply love.

I was thinking back to when I asked my parents for my last doll. I was twelve. I knew I was probably too old for a doll. But I wanted to hold on to being a little girl for as long as I could. I would take her out each night to hold her and care for her and then sadly return her to the hiding place in my closet. A friend came over, peered into my closet and asked sarcastically “You still have a doll??” I took a picture of Baby TenderLove (I still have it…really!)… And then with tears spilling down my cheeks, I put her away for good.

I walked home from my last day of seventh grade, crying all the way. I had spent each day, since I was five, with the same kids in the same school. Now I was going on to Junior high. I cried and cried….and stopped eating for a long time!

My first real love left my life and I thought my life was over. I won’t go too deeply into this one other than to say, it was heartbreaking. I held onto hope as long as I could and then made a fire in the back yard and burned every picture and letter from those past four years. I watched each one melt into the fire and felt as if my heart was melting with them. Oh, the drama of being a teenager and in love!

I met my future husband and married him on a cold December day in the winter of 1980. The u-haul was packed with all of my earthly belongings inside and we were heading off to Florida to live. I had been so excited for this day. But as I went upstairs to look at my empty room once more, I realized that I would never be back. I loved my life at home with my family! I hadn’t really realized that saying yes to Matt meant saying good bye to all that I knew and loved. Until I stood there in my empty room. The tears began to flow and I didn’t think they would ever stop. My mom came looking for me and found me in my despair. I told her “I’m not going…I can’t”. She began to cry with me and we held eachother tight. Kicking and screaming inside, I went on to my new life as a wife.

Being a mom was a joy beyond words. No one prepared me for the love I felt when when I held those three baby boys for the first time. No one told me how much that love would grow. And no one prepared me for letting them go. I cried when my little ones started school. Really cried and really grieved as each one grew from being babies into little boys and then young men! Saying goodbye to each one of my three boys as they became adults who no longer needed day to day mothering was harder than anything I’ve had to let go in my life so far.

My grandma died….and driving home from watching her take her last breath, I wept. Although she was in her 90’s I wished I had been given more days with her. I wished I would have spent more time with her. I wished I hadn’t gotten upset at her for demonstrating her stubborn Irish temper and strong will. I wished I would have laughed with her more and sang with her more….and just loved her more. And I wished that I would have thanked her for being such a close part of my life as I was growing up. And I drove away, leaving another chapter of my life behind.

If I am to grow as a Godly and mature woman who radiates Christ, one of the most important things I can develop is the art of saying goodbye with grace. Saying goodbye is what we will do all throughout life. Nothing is permanent. My physical beauty is fading, my hair is graying (underneath the blonde coloring!), my body is shifting and my face is developing wrinkles. Change! The Word of God tells us that life is but a vapor. It surely is. Change, Change, Change! And I have learned that with change comes new, wonderful and beautiful things, people and experiences! As I go through life I must continue to love deeply, yet learn to hold on gently and appreciate the blessings of "now". The sadness of saying goodbye to the people and the things I love, makes me long for heaven. When all things will be how they are meant to be….and where there will be no more tears and no more goodbyes. Ever again!

Until then I have asked the Lord to help me to dance beautifully through this life with grace! That in doing so, I might glorify God, the One who never changes. That the world might see that my joy-filled hope is in eternal life and that each change brings me closer to how life is suppose to be (and will be!) lived!

It doesn't look fair....

2008-02-28T19:38:00.000-08:00

I'm getting to love this blogging thing. Just some rambling thoughts about living in a world full of injustice...

Woke up this morning way earlier than I should have. I have been thinking about the injustices of life. It is hard to sit by and watch one person sin against another person. It happens daily. Maybe I see more of it than most due to being a counselor. But nonetheless, there are times when I want to, and do, cry out to God in frustration. I want him to come down with a bolt of lightning and fix the awful things that are happening, and right the wrongs that have been done. Why doesn’t God right the wrongs? How can He just seemingly sit by and do nothing? He has the power to stop bad things….abuse of every kind. And day after day….it looks as if He is doing nothing.
If I were someplace where someone was being hurt I would run to the rescue. I’ve done it before. When I was a cheerleading coach and saw one of my girls getting physically attacked by a "much older, out of high school, drunk woman", I moved quickly. It never occurred to me (until AFTER the incident) that I may get hurt myself. Others stood around and watched. Not me. I jumped from my chair, ran into the middle of the two of them, and made them stop. I turned to the lady, grabbed her wrists and said "STOP…NOW…Are you crazy? Do you understand that she is only 15 years old and you will be arrested for this if you don’t stop now?!" Her eyes challenged mine but I did not look away or loosen my grip. She walked away and out the door. I don’t care who it is…if I am witness to someone getting abused I do NOT stand by and just watch…ever. Without a second thought I have challenged grown men and put myself in between them and the person they are abusing. And ya know….that is what we want God to do…only in a HUGE way. Little children getting molested and or being physically/verbally abused does not make sense when a righteous God exists. One man said to me " I do not believe that there is a God: Because if there were a God he would not let bad and cruel things go on. A real God has power to stop the wrongs and uses his power to do so." Sort of makes sense, doesn’t it?

And that brings me to where I woke up this morning. I woke up to the thought that God watched his own son, Jesus, get beaten and spit on and then hanged on a tree. It may have looked like HE stood by and did nothing for his own son. But the truth is that there was a bigger picture. He only stood by for while…..and the abuse and the crucifixion happened for a purpose. He did not stand by and do nothing for the injustice of sin. He gave his only perfect son to pay sins price. He made a way for us to live in perfect eternity with him. I wonder if Mary doubted at that moment "Did I misunderstand about Jesus being the son of God? How could HE let his own son be tortured so and not do one single thing to help him???"

God the Father does not live here in this wicked place and it is not the believers’ home either. HE is where there is only love and perfection and he longs for us to be there with HIM.

The Bible tells us that one day all wrongs will be made right. One day, we will live where there is no sin at all. One day we will see the bigger picture. He chooses not to step in …. YET. But He promises to do so….one day. For now He promises to make good out of the bad things that happen in our life. He promises to walk with us through difficulties and He gives us strength to endure them. We must remember that He never wanted earth to be like this and He did not create us to live in a sinful environment. Man CHOSE sin over righteousness even while he lived in a perfect place. God destroyed mankind once over the awful sins that were going on. The Bible says that it grieved Gods heart that he ever created man (because of the awful sin and injustice that was going on!). And so He destroyed all men in a flood. He left only one man and his family. He saved Noah because he had a heart towards Him. After the destruction of mankind he was grieved that it had come to this. I imagine that he looked upon this sad family of Noah's….all alone in this huge world. He saw their sadness. And that grieved Gods heart. He promised to never do that again. He put a rainbow in the sky as a symbol of that promise.

And this time He is going to let it "play out" until the end of time. No matter how awful it gets here on earth. It will not be stopped until Christ comes back for us. That is when all wrongs will be made right. That is when He will be the righteous judge. That is when all sin will stop. When we finally will live as we were made to live way back in the garden of Eden. Maybe God wants us all to get a real good taste of sin. So that we are so sick of it and see it for what it is. Then we will never, ever choose it again.

I know I am sick of it. Completely sick of it. Come Quickly Lord Jesus!

Revelation 22: 1-7 & 12-15 And he shewed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God, and of the lamb.

In the midst of the street of it, and on either side of river, was there the tree of life, which bare twelve manner of fruits, and yielded her fruit every month; and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.

And there shall be no more curse: but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it: and his servant shall sever him:

And they shall see his face; and his name shall be in their foreheads.

And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign forever and ever.

And he said unto me, These sayings are faithful and true: and the Lord God of the holy prophets sent his angel to shew unto his servants the things which must shortly be done.

BEHOLD I COME QUICKLY….

And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be. I am alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last. Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter through the gates of the city. For without (in this world and apart from God the Father!) are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whoever loveth life and maketh a lie.

Two heroes in one lifetime

2008-02-27T09:11:00.000-08:00

Two heroes in one lifetime
Current mood: Amazed

*Note* Sorry to those of you who have heard this illustration many times...it is just something that affected my life so greatly...I just continue to share it!!

Every so often my mind goes back to the March day in the Bahamas….when I almost lost my life. I am sure that my family gets tired of hearing this story. But unless you have ever experienced something like this you can not understand the impact that it makes on a person.

I was having a wonderful time on a beach in the Bahamas. The day was absolutely perfect. My sixteen year old son, Jake, asked me to come out into the water with him. I hemmed and hawed and said something about me not wanting to get my hair wet. He looked disappointed and the water looked calm, so I decided to go out with him. I walked out neck-deep into the beautiful turquoise water and looked around in amazement at how awesome this place was! Soon Jake decided to go with his buddy to rent jet skis. I didn’t mind being out there alone. But out of concern my Dad came out with me. We were having the best time. We talked about the beauty of this place and how amazing God is to create it for us to enjoy. My dad was facing me and I was looking out into the ocean. I saw the biggest wave I have ever seen coming towards us. I only had time to say "Oh NO!" and then it slammed onto us. We were like rag dolls being thrown to the hard, sandy bottom. I figured it would take us to the shore…but I was wrong. We were too far out. My head came up, I grabbed one quick breath, just as another huge wave hit! This time my head hit hard on the bottom of the ocean and my body was being pounded into the sand. I could not hold my breath any longer. I couldn’t tell what was up or what was down. Somehow I came to the surface and saw my dad. I reached out to him and begged, "Please help me"…..when another wave hit again. It seemed that each wave was stronger. Again I felt like I was in a washing machine. I couldn’t hold my breath any longer. I felt my head begin to spin when out of no where a tall, strong man reached down into the water and pulled me out. My bathing suit top was wrapped around my neck and I was struggling to stay covered. I remember him saying "We have to hurry, another wave is coming!". He half carried and half pulled me to the beach. Then he ran back to get my dad. He and another man began to pull my dad out of the water and they realized that his swim trunks were gone!! The powerful water had pulled them right off!

Several people had gathered on the beach. They were trying to help me now that I was on the shore. One young girl saw me trembling and knelt down beside me, put her arm around me and just sat with me. A complete stranger! When I settled down, I looked for the man who saved me…. this stranger who came into the raging water to save me! He risked his own life for mine. I finally found him. He was about 30 years old, was tall and muscular and he was covered in tattoos. With tears in my eyes, I thanked him over and over. I felt so indebted to him. Later I watched as he and his friend gathered their things together to leave. I knew I would never see him again….I didn’t even know his name.

That was five years ago….and I still get an anxious feeling when I tell this story. When I get to the part about the man who saved me I usually get choked up. It still amazes me that this man came to my rescue. I wish I knew his name…..because I would proclaim it proudly!!

I have two heroes in my life. One is this man whose name I will never know. And the other…is Jesus Christ. He also rescued me! This Savior saw me dying in my sin with no way for me to reconcile with God, my creator. Because of my sin, I was headed for eternal damnation with out God. And then, I was introduced to Jesus. I was told that He loved me and that he died on a cross and paid the price for my sin. If I would accept this gift then I would spend eternity in heaven! Why would anyone deny such a tremendous gift!?

Two heroes in one lifetime! One who saved my physical body from death and one who saved my soul!! I will never be ashamed of either and will proclaim their salvation loudly! I am amazingly blessed!

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life"

Abounding with Thanksgiving

2008-02-26T08:52:00.000-08:00

Posted On: 06/25/2007
Colossians 2:7...abounding therein with thanksgiving.

I have typed this twice and somehow lost the contents both times on this sweet little computer. So…I will try once more before being convinced that I am, for some reason, not suppose to post this on my "blog" (who EVER came up with that word??) ! Three times you’re out, right?

I have been asking the Lord to give me clearer sight. Not physical…but spiritual. I know that I think so much like a...fallen human being…in spite of reading the Word and seeking to live out what I read and learn. I want to see how HE sees things….and so I have begged God for more insight on living out my Christianity. I believe that I will be changed if only I can see, even slightly, through His eyes.

This morning I went grocery shopping. As I walked through the parking lot of my favorite grocery store, I was thinking how hot it was….about 90 degrees already….and how I would ask the cashier to bag the grocery bags really full so that I could take fewer trips from the car to my kitchen when I got home. The sun was beating so brightly that I nearly ran into the two women walking in front of me. One said loudly to the other "I hate grocery shopping more than anything. I try not to go more than once every other week but it seems like I am always here." Her friend replied "I hate it too. It’s on the top of my things-I-hate-most-to-do list"! I smiled and their voices slowly disappeared as we entered the air-conditioned store.
I walked into the produce department and grabbed a few plastics bags for my purchases. As I looked at the plums, I had never noticed before that there were five different choices…all plums, but different kinds. Same with the peaches! I looked around and took notice of every kind of fruit under the sun....fresh fruit from all over the entire world. Some I couldn’t even pronounce and had no idea how they tasted. But they were right there at my fingertips.
It got me thinking about a conversation I just had with a friend who went to India last month on a missions trip. He said that the children he worked with in the orphanage had white rice three times a day every day of the week. Once a month a little piece of chicken was added to their serving. That’s it….rice…white rice... every day of the week for every single meal. Wow….what would the people in India think if they walked into my American grocery store?
That brought my thoughts to what my husband told me after his missions trip to Africa. The people there walked two miles each way, twice a day, with containers on their heads just to retrieve their essential water. They got the water from a polluted river! Just as I was finishing that thought I entered the beverage aisle of the store. There were bottles of every shape, size and color filled with different types of water. There was seltzer water, purified water, fruit water, vitamin water, carbonated water, carbonated water with every kind of essence imaginable, and on and on went my choices.
I began to think about the children of Israel. Sometimes those poor people get a pretty bad rap. They are known as the "Complainers of Scripture" (my description!) We say "Those spoiled brats. They were given everything they needed….God dropped mannah from heaven just for them and NO, that wasn’t enough! They wanted more water and they wanted fresh meat. Nothin’ but complainers, those ungrateful Children of God! Wasn’t enough for them that God took them out of bondage, separated the Red Sea and took care of their every need. They were SOO ungrateful!" I began thinking that I will apologize to them for my critical thoughts when I see them one day in eternity.
Because as I looked around in my huge grocery store this morning, I realized how very, very blessed I am. I live in a blessed country and God has given me so much. Much more than just the basic essential things of life. He redeemed me and sacrificed so much to free me and He meets my every need (sounds a bit like those Israelites, (wink)??)
It was right about then that the Holy Spirit put an immeasurable amount of thanksgiving, along with a song, in my heart and I wanted to sing it out loud, really loud. (If my boys are reading this they are probably hoping I didnt sing out loud in the middle of Wegmans!) Instead, I sang it loudly within: "Ive got a river of life flowing out of me. Makes the lame to walk and the blind to see. Opens prison doors, sets the captives free. I’ve got a river of life flowing out of me. Spring up O Well (which was happening to me right then and there) within my soul. Spring up O Well, and make me whole. Spring up O Well, and give to me, that life abundantly" I can’t tell you in words what happened inside of my soul. I was just abundantly thankful. Thankful for everything. I am over and overly blessed!
I didn’t ask the cashier to fill the bags full! They were already full and so was my thankful heart. Full of praise and thankgiving to a loving God who is too good to me…. He is beyond-my-imagination good. I walked out to my car and the lady who was putting her groceries in her car next to mine said "Hello" and continued, "Did you know you have your shirt on inside out?" Normally I would have been a little embarrassed. But not today! I just laughed and said "Wow, I sure do!" When I got home I made several trips back and forth from my car to the kitchen. But I did not complain. Not one single bit. I was completely happy and thankful. Thankful that I had the strength and health to carry my heavy bags of abundant blessing. God is so good.
I believe that He answered my prayer this morning! What a good Father He is…to allow me to see, if only just a little, how He sees things! And because I have seen through His eyes...I have been changed. Changed from within!!

Psalms 147:7 Sing unto the LORD with thanksgiving; sing praise upon the harp unto our God.
(The whole chapter 147 is amazing!!!)