Heaven is everything we talked about and more!!

The lesson that I’m writing about today is, in my opinion, the most exciting one I have learned yet. And it was the most difficult journey for me by far.

I met Lori three years ago, shortly after she was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer. For several reasons we connected: we were the same age, shared the same faith, were both mothers and wives, we thought the same…..serious thinkers always trying to make sense out of things that do not…and searching for our Savior in the midst of it all. Once I introduced her to Author John Elderidge our fate was sealed. We were on this road together for whatever the outcome. The day that she came into my office for her first counseling appointment she said these words “I want to live and I will fight to do that. But if I find that I am going to die will you help me to die well?” I took the assignment…and I took it seriously. We met on a regular basis for three years. During that time Lori fought hard to stay alive. We walked that tough road together and in the process became close friends. When it looked as if Lori’s life here on earth would end, we grieved. Our conversations grew intense as we discussed heaven, salvation, purpose and fears. As I look back now I realize that I was always pointing her to Jesus. When she had fears about salvation….we went through verse after verse on what true salvation and conversion is. Each and every fear was talked about in depth and the Word was pointed to for hope and proper perspective. Towards the end of her earthy life I wrote out verse after verse about heaven and eternal life so that she could pick it up whenever she wanted to and see truth….and be comforted. When she had a hard time deciding what to focus her attention on (because how does one decide that when there is so much to do and so little time?) I gave her a book on the names of God and suggested that she focus on all that HE is.
When Lori entered the beautiful hospice house, The Shepherds Home, I was privileged to spend Thursday nights with her. Her family made arrangements for someone to stay with her each night because she didn’t want to be alone. Those nights were precious to me. We talked about so many deep and personal things. Things that dying people talk about when they know that their earthly life will soon be over: regrets, dreams that will never be and happy memories. We laughed and we cried. We talked a lot about Heaven. I will always be thankful for that time. During my visits, Lori told me about her love of Tiger Lilies. Her family and friends always made sure that she had fresh and beautiful bouquets of tiger lilies in her bright yellow room. Each Thursday she couldn’t wait to show me the newest bunch of her favorite flower! I had always known Tiger Lilies to be more of an accent flower to pretty bouquets and not really a bouquet all their own. How Lori loved them! They are beautifully unique….like my sweet friend.
One evening Lori and I talked about a book that we were both reading on Heaven by Randy Alcorn. Then later, in the middle of the night, she called to me “Colette, are you sleeping?” I told her that I was awake and then scooted a chair next to her bed. She said “I just want you to know that, after I am gone, if there is a way for me to tell you that heaven is everything that we have talked about I am going to do that”. I smiled and said “Please promise me that you will…because I think it will be everything we talked about and MORE!”
Just a couple weeks later, Lori passed away peacefully. She was so afraid that it would be painful and difficult….and I am thankful that it was not.
My husband accompanied me to the funeral home a few days later. After speaking with her family I found myself positioned in a place where I could oversee the room full of people. I scanned the room and my eyes fell on the closed casket. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. My friend….who fought so hard not to be there….was there. I felt grief engulf me. It literally felt like a huge weight on my spirit and the feeling was unbearable. I went to my husband and told him that I needed to leave. I got in the car and began to weep. Grief is horrible. It filled my heart with doubt and fear. It was overtaking me. My husband drove in silence…. and I continued to cry. As we were crossing a bridge that overlooks a bay I looked up. There in the sky I saw the most beautiful sunset I have EVER seen in my life. It took my breath away and I asked Matt to stop the car so we could get a better look at that sun! That’s when the Holy Spirit distinctly said this “Colette, you spent three years pointing Lori to Jesus. Get your eyes back on the SON. If your focus stays on the ugliness of death it will overtake you. If you keep your eyes on sorrow and death you will loose sight of the truth. Focus on the SON …He is the one who brings beauty to the consequences of the fall. Focus on the SON.” I know that the Sun is a picture of the Son of God! Looking out the window of the car, directly in front of me was that picture…oh what a glorious picture it was! My tears stopped and I was truly comforted. I actually smiled. Just as I always pointed Lori to the Son of God in her despair….I was being pointed to Him in mine.
The next day I attended the funeral alone. The whole time I had a smile on my face because I knew that Lori would have been so pleased. She planned exactly how she wanted the service to unfold and it was playing out even more beautifully than she had dreamed. She wanted everyone to hear and sing the songs that she loved to the God that she loved. She wanted others to be pointed towards the Lord and for Him to be glorified through the tragedy of her death. Her daughter, sister, and husband spoke and oh, how I wish she could have heard them. Towards the end of the service I felt the grief begin again. It started slowly and then that same overwhelming, miserable sadness engulfed me. It was awful. Again, I had to leave. I tried to think right thoughts. I tried to focus on the SON. But my heart was broken and I cried all the way home. My friend was gone. My beautiful friend. I couldn’t call her. I would never be able to call her again. Grief is horrible. I walked into my house with such a sad and heavy heart. I walked slowly up the stairs and turned the corner into my living room. It took me a minute to register what I was seeing. There on my counter was the most beautiful bouquet of TIGER LILIES that I have ever seen. I am 49 years old and never once have I had tiger lilies in my house nor have I had anyone ever buy them for me. Tiger Lilies….Loris favorite flower. On the day of her funeral, when I am overwhelmed with grief because I would never be able to talk to her on this earth again….Tiger Lilies are delivered to my home! ! I looked at the funeral program that I was holding in my hand. It was decorated with tiger lilies. Immediately I remembered Lori’s words to me “Colette, if there is a way for me to tell you that heaven is everything that we have talked about……..” WOW! I knew that this was from the LORD! I was instantly comforted. A friend had delivered the flowers to my daughter in law, Cheryl. She is pregnant and he wanted to encourage her. But little did he know that those flowers were for me! I pictured him standing in the store and the Holy Spirit whispering in his ear “Right there…..get those tiger lilies to 3007 Edgemere Dr…..and do it today!” Only God knew how much I needed those flowers on that particular time and day to ease the pain in my heart! I am so very thankful to have such a personal and loving God, for the surety of eternal life and for wonderful friends like Lori who give us purpose and joy in this life!!